I met someone one day, who said: “Women only go for men with money”. 

He said, “They only give you a chance if you can afford to pay for things”.

 This is not the first time I have heard this statement from a man, and it’s disappointing to hear so many men go through life thinking it’s this way – and perhaps even worse, accepting it as normal.

It scares me to think my sons might go through life thinking they need money to get to a woman’s heart or that to experience real love, you have to buy her things – because I know it’s not true. 

I know plenty of women who are in relationships or marriages for love, including myself. 

In fact, I know of many women who take care of their men financially. 

So, it can’t be that all women date only for money. At the same time, women say, “All men are trash; they all cheat or there aren’t any good men out there. You might as well just pick one, accept and stay with them because they’re all the same”. 

But we’ve all seen the good ones; you just may not have met your prince charming yet, but many women have.  

 A huge factor I feel we refuse to admit to is that we are enablers. We enable certain individuals to take advantage of us. For example, a lot of men enable these so-called gold diggers and then go on to play the victim, locking these women in with money, expensive gifts and trips, providing financial support that some of these girls never had – and giving them access to a comfortable life. 

Crying later makes no sense when she leaves for greener pastures because money was all you offered. 

Don’t get shocked later when she leaves you for someone with more money. Women generally like things but no one is forcing you to buy them things to get or stay with them. 

 It’s the same with women who stay in relationships with men who treat them horribly, further enabling his bad behaviour, such as cheating. 

When we go into or stay in relationships for the wrong reasons, the chances of it working out are very slim. 

Many women allow men to treat them like trash by staying; of course, I  understand when it comes to abuse, it’s a bit complicated, and it can sometimes get psychological. 

That’s not what I am talking about here; I am talking about things like dating serial cheaters.  

The more you think and believe there is no one out there for you with the right intentions, the more you attract that into your life, because if it’s all you think there is, how will you know to look for different or better? 

We have seen from others that if we want to make it work, it’s possible. Just love yourself enough to choose what’s best for you and your heart.

 Many people settle for worse because they think that’s what they deserve or all they will ever get. But that is not true – and if we are too afraid to let go of a superficial or toxic relationship, how will we ever begin to search and find real love? 

I believe it does exist – and if we are brave enough to be ourselves and to love ourselves, we will attract the right person.

• Paula Christoph’s column concentrates on positive and inspirational write-ups every second Friday in the New Era newspaper.