My husband and I were talking the other day, about how a few couples around us are getting divorced. It’s really sad to see because seeing other young couples making it work gives you some sort of boost, a sort of confidence in the institution of marriage.
On the contrary, when it’s the other way around, it makes you a little nervous. You may start to question the durability of your marriage. Because if it can happen to the best of them, then it can happen to you too, right? Not necessarily, because I also know that each couple has different dynamics, and that can heavily influence how things play out.
I’ve always thought of Love, and Life in general, as a gamble. And that makes it scary and exciting at the same time. You can date for 10 years, get married and divorced after six months. Or you can date for six months, get married and stay together forever. No one can tell when they step into this social, physical and emotional contract/commitment, what the fate of their partnership will be.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that if there’s any kind of human interaction, there will be misunderstandings. Human interaction, although laughably simple, is extremely complicated. It’s a set-up, LOL.
Relationships simplified, are two individuals from different backgrounds, with different personalities, different perspectives, different wants and needs, and even a difference in their understanding of life, trying to align themselves with one another in the hopes of a long and happy union. This will never be an easy thing to do.
Your task is to figure each other out, learn to compromise for the greater good and keep working on keeping your person as happy as you would like to be. Plus a few other things we’re not gonna get into because my column only has so much space in New Era.
Now sometimes you get it right, other times it just doesn’t work out. Even after all the effort you think you’ve put in and all your good intentions, you may find out you’re just not compatible, and that is scary.
I’ve only been married for over three years now, so I don’t know everything there is to know, but what I have learned so far is that it takes effort and action.
Einstein said: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.” If you see something is wrong, don’t ignore it and let it fester. Pretending it is not a problem, won’t make it go away.
That very effort needs to come from both parties. If you choose to stay, it is both your responsibilities to figure how to make it work and become the best couple you can be. If you are not up for it, then maybe leave sooner rather than later. It is not fair to both of you to stay miserable in an unhealthy marriage, especially if there are kids.
If something is not working for you, and you can clearly see it is not changing in any meaningful way anytime, then the most responsible thing to do for your partner, but especially FOR YOURSELF, is to amicably cut your losses. Go find your happiness where it is, instead of hoping it is where you know it is not.
Paula Christoph’s column concentrates on positive and inspirational write-ups every second Friday in New Era newspaper.