Toxic loved ones

Many a time in life, we allow toxic people to stay in our lives because we love them. 
These may be long-time friends, family members or even partners. Living life without them seems unimaginable and you may or may not be asking yourself whether this person deserves to stay in your life. However, if this person constantly breaks you down, instead of uplifting you or doesn’t see how deserving you are off the little positivity they have within them to give you, then why are you allowing yourself to be hurt over and over again by their words and actions? You deserve better. 
We deserve kindness, respect and understanding from everyone in our lives. There is no excuse for people in our lives – people who love us and want the best for us to treat us otherwise. And if they are not willing to give us that, they don’t deserve a place in our lives.
We are bad friends to ourselves when we allow others to treat us bad, and when we keep these people who don’t value us in our lives. We deserve the same effort we put into our relationships. Many of us would never sit back and let our friends be bullied or treated badly. We would speak up for them, but when it comes to ourselves we quite often let it slide. 
But we need to speak up against negative behaviour from loved ones because our silence gives the indication we are okay with that behaviour. Let them know it is not acceptable anymore and set boundaries. From there onward, anyone who doesn’t get their act together and change their ways doesn’t think you’re worth the attitude change or that the relationship is worth the perceived compromise, let them go. 
It is painful to have to cut someone out of your life – and you will most likely have to go through a mourning period. You’ll sit with all these memories and you won’t just stop missing them – or at least parts of them. But trust that your life will not end without them – no matter how significant they seem now. We need ourselves first and foremost. After that, we can discern whether we can do with or without others. 
Our main priority should always be ourselves and maintaining a positive lifestyle, surrounded by people who add value to our lives. With all our doubts and insecurities, we don’t need anybody adding any toxicity into our lives. 
It’s okay to cut off even family members. It’s okay to go on without them in life when they choose to treat us poorly or less than in any way. Some use “this is who I am” as an excuse. Truth is if your interactions with people leave them feeling low and bad about themselves or any negative way, why wouldn’t you want to change that about yourself? Why would you want to be known as the bully or one who brings out the worst in people? 
Again, it’s just an excuse because all negative habits and behaviour can be unlearned if you really want. It’s a choice and you can choose differently.
Paula Christoph’s column concentrates on positive and inspirational writing, and it will appear fortnightly in the New Era newspaper.

Paula Christoph’s column concentrates positive and inspirational write-up’s every second Friday in the New Era newspaper.