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Letter - One story about rape is one story too many

2020-12-11  Staff Reporter2

Letter - One story about rape is one story too many

Janee Kandjii Kavindjima

This other day, a guy commented “Gender-based violence also includes women hitting men during arguments” under a post where a woman was killed in broad daylight. Yes, it is true but that is not the fight right now.
Women are dying on a daily basis, just for being women. 
Women are being raped daily, not because of what she is wearing, not because of where she is but because she is a woman. 

If they can rape a six-month-old baby and an 82-year-old woman, then rape is clearly not about what you wear, where you were, what you said or what you did! The rape culture is also when you try to justify the rapist.
My thoughts on why most men are silent towards the fight against GBV are that I don’t think they understand what GBV is and every action that falls under it.

This is extremely problematic because until they educate themselves on what GBV is and the enourmous trauma and damage that victims face, we will never win this battle.
Most men don’t want to face the reality of what GBV really is because they don’t want to face their own disgusting behaviour, hence they sweep it under the rug. Men don’t rape for pure sexual pleasure. 
That is why a victim can’t negotiate with her rapist even if she offers to have “normal” sex with him.Rapists get pleasure by seeing a woman in pain, helpless or when she is bleeding and pleading for her life. 

Rape is about power over women, hate and sexual gratification. To most men, they don’t consider touching a woman without her consent as sexual assault. To them it is “just being playful”, no biggie.
To men, forcing themselves on women and penetrating them without consent is not rape, to them it’s “just sexual intercourse” and besides she probably wanted to anyways. 

For men, beating up a woman is not abuse, to them she provoked me, so I had to “discipline her”. Men always find a way to minimize what GBV is and they try to justify why they do the things they do. They try by all means to change the narrative of GBV, resulting in them not fully comprehending our fight against it because to them their actions are justified. How sick? How disgusting is this world that we live in? Where men can’t take accountability or even educate themselves on such issues. 

I mean, we as women all have a story to tell on how we are victims of GBV but why don’t men have the same stories when they are commiting GBV? Why can’t men just admit to commiting GBV? 
Because I can assure you that most women have and are being victimised by the same men that are meant to protect us. We need men to start being accountable and start taking GBV very seriously. 
I’m tired of women not being or feeling safe because of men.

I am tired of explaining consent and I’m tired of men being okay with that because they don’t understand everything what women go through. Women don’t feel safe walking outside because of GBV. 
Women are constantly worrying if “they are next” because of GBV. So for men to change the narrative and victimise themselves during our fight is something not worth entertaining. 
Teach men not to rape.

We need to understand that the rape condoms aren’t going to end rape. Women dressing “appropriately “ will not prevent rape. Women not drinking alcohol or going out at night will not prevent rape. 
Women looking out for each other will not end rape. 

Women will not be “safe from rape” just because they do certain things differently.  
Stop suggesting these everytime you hear of rape stories.  There is nothing women can do to stop or prevent rape.
It is men that rape. It is them who can prevent rape. By not raping. It is that simple!
Saying not all men rape will not end rape either. So rather than saying all these, just don’t bother to give your one-sided opinion.Nothing and I mean nothing will ever justify why GBV is okay. No scenario played out will ever make me understand why GBV was committed. And I mean nothing. Sending love and light to all the rape victims, including the ones who were almost raped.
I can’t begin to imagine the fear and pain you’ve gone through. Stay strong!


2020-12-11  Staff Reporter2

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