With my virginity article last week, I got quite a backlash from a lot of people, of which most were men, obviously. However, I would like to mention that I absolutely love how the power of sensual women has threatened the male ego for centuries and continue to do so. When a woman is comfortable in her skin, free from false narratives about her natural sensuality, she is a formidable and fearsome being to behold. Over time, I’ve heard men using the analogy that no one likes tarnished goods. The most common one, ‘itandili iikulya yaliwa nale’, which directly translates to, ‘I will not eat food that has been eaten’. In this context, the food being referred to here is an abstract
concept which means her vagina. In laymen’s terms, this loosely means a man will not have sex with a woman who lost her ‘virginity’ or who has had sex with many people. What shocks me the most about this is that these very women are having sex with men and not themselves. This means women are subjected to remaining pure for the ‘man’ who doesn’t like spoilt food. They should remain pure as to not raise their body count, or not have one at all. The irony is that the very same men who want pure women aren’t having sex with themselves. They are having sex with women.
Please balance me. God forbid a woman has a body count of more than one then she will experience being slut-shamed for having a sexual appetite in a league with men.
I cannot reiterate this enough – women are not sexual objects. We are not cars. Our value does not depreciate with use, nor do we accrue mileage like a car. Women do not exist for the sole
purpose of pleasing men. Namibian men have had carwash and barbershop conversations about women with whom they have had sex, and claim that it felt like they were swimming in an open dam because her body count is high. How this is still considered facts, I do not know. My guy, you are swimming because she is aroused. If you find yourself struggling, chances are she is not into you, bruh.
Another narrative man use to slut-shame women is ‘daai kind het baie kilos my bra’. This means she has been with a lot of men and her vagina is probably loose. Comparing her to a car, they argue that they will not purchase a used car. As such, they cannot be associated with a whore.
Yet, in all honesty, men have no issues with purchasing cars that have been driven by other people, but will use the very same analogy to devalue a woman. Ridiculous. Ladies, have as many sexual partners as you want. Be as sexually liberated as you want. Sobiso, nuukumbu woye, italipo kaa.
• Frieda Mukufa’s lifestyle section concentrates on women-related issues and parenting every Friday in the New Era newspaper. She also specialises in editing research proposals, proofreading as well as content creation.