Lahja Ndjalo

Suicides are increasing at an alarming rate. I suspect that narcissism is the main cause of suicides globally. 

Victims of narcissistic abuse who do not succeed in suicide are often proclaimed mentally ill and placed on unnecessary psych drugs when they are suffering from complex post-traumatic stress disorder  as a result of repetitive gaslighting, without realising what is happening.

These people die, with everyone talking about mental illness – not severe trauma and abuse. 

Victims of narcissistic abuse have had their lives destroyed and they have been subjected to tactics of abuse that fly under society’s radar.

The abuse is hidden so well, and in reacting to it, the victim appears to be mentally unstable; the world sees only from the reaction of the victim and not the initial abuse the victim is reacting to. 

Pathological narcissists get away with abuse because those who have not experienced it cannot wrap their heads around the possibility that such cruelty exists.

Some researchers have discovered that narcissism stems from excessive criticism, childhood abuse, genetics, cultural environment or learned behaviours. 

Research has also revealed that narcissists have a genetic brain disorder, which means their brain area for storing emotions is significantly diminished, consequently developing the emotions of a two-year-old child, stunting further development. 

The only emotion they develop is vengeance. 

They will go to any length to get revenge on those perceived to be a threat. 

They are not held back by the morals, values and principles that normal people possess. 

Without empathy, they can never love anyone else but themselves. 

Narcissists are parasitic by nature and feast on families and colleagues for narcissistic supply. 

They perceive people as objects and tools, and derive their superiority by compulsively making you acknowledge your inferiority. 

Narcissists have contempt for people they are jealous of, including their children. 

As insane as it sounds, if there is something they envy about you, to feel good and powerful, they will want to destroy you, your career or your relationships. 

They despise morally healthy people and possess little or no self-esteem, triggering an inflated ego. 

Narcissists indulge in supplies from people to satiate their empty sense of self. 

It is a very radical defence mechanism. 

Covert narcissists are the deadliest of all. They do not only lack remorse but are devious schemers who will play the long psychological game. 

They prey on your empathy and good nature, and they are experts at playing the victim. They are controlling and power-obsessed, and they will criticise you and peck bit by bit until they draw the psychological blood they seek. 

Covert narcissists are cruel, sadistic and unrelenting.

Narcissists appear charming and caring, but beware - underneath that façade is a cold, calculating creature who will stop at nothing to destroy their targets. 

They do not change but they adjust their strategies and step up their deceitful game, much as you perceive them as fragile, damaged souls, who need compassion.

One of the most insidious manipulations employed by covert narcissists when they decide to damage your reputation is talking badly about you under the guise of being concerned; this makes it easy for people to believe them. 

Flying monkeys (narcissists’ agents) are recruited and manipulated to triangulate and torture the victim who refuses to conform. Flying monkeys could also be narcissists.

When confronted about their behaviours, narcissists will immediately deflect, blame, project or lie. 

They never take responsibility. The game they play is underground, against you, to use you as medication for their disorder.

If you have discarded a narcissist, they will be seething with bitter hatred; narcissists hate being discarded.

The narcissist instils feelings of self-doubt in their victims. 

It takes great strength to pull yourself out of the aura of cognitive dissonance. 

Narcissists revel in your suffering, wear your face and look back at you gloatingly as you sit in the wreckage, having transformed into them.

Yes, you will always have those memories, but once you heal, you will be able to love again and have a big heart to help the wounded ones. 

You will have wisdom and strength beyond imagination. 

You have everything they do not have.

Educate yourselves on narcissism.