Marital breakdowns are a reality of contemporary life, where some estimates hold that close to half of all marriages end in divorce, and it’s one of the most social and moral issues of our day. Namibia has a high divorce rate, as the Confidénte in its article of the 25th March – 31st March 2022, page 3, states clearly that at least 1 500 marriages collapsed in 2021. As we are at the dawn of the 22nd century, Namibia might witness a higher divorce rate, should the current proposed divorce bill not be amended.
When romantic love fades, couples fail to find a true deeper love, together with its meaning, which in many cases leads to divorce. When a marriage begins to break up, some things stop working before others. Sometimes, the first to go is loyalty. There are endless reasons for marital breakdowns. Most common are getting married for the wrong motives, a lack of knowledge about marriage, getting married too young, financial implications and dishonesty, amongst others.
Marriage has changed from an institution primarily concerned with rearing children to a unit in which the main feature is companionship. Within this framework of companionship, there are no a clearly defined roles as people nowadays adopt and practice the stance of 50/50 in household management and many others. Once, the husband was regarded as the head of the household, a practice which in modern days seems to have vanished, and the wife was the childbearer, rearer and the source of affection for the family. Now, this view of marriage is changing. The spouses relate on an egalitarian basis, whereby authority and functions are shared and exchanged. Women are often economically self-sufficient, with greater expectation of fulfilment, both emotionally and sexually.
From the biblical point of view, looking at the Old Testament, polygamy and concubinage were practised. In many ways, women were seen as property. Divorce was relatively easy (Deut 24:1 ff). Children were very important and if a couple was childless, the man could take a second wife. In Matthew 19, Jesus gives his answer in the context of the Shammai – Hillel debate, a debate between various rabbinical schools of thought. When the Pharisees asked Jesus whether it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife at all, they were trying to get Him to incriminate. Jesus gives his answer from Geneses, so referring to a pre-Mosaic law era. There is an exception: a husband could divorce his wife for “Porneia”, usually translated as unchastity or indecency. In Mark, the wife may divorce her husband. The book of Mark may have been written in Rome, where according to Roman law, this was possible. It was not possible in Jewish Law. This provision for divorce is made because of people’s hardness of heart. It was not always so, and it is not the ideal.
There are two main issues that have concerned the churches with regard to divorce. The first is the consent of divorce itself. Can a couple, married in a church before God, get a divorce? Secondly, if they are divorced, can they be remarried in church? Most churches teach that divorce is wrong, but some do allow it. The Roman Catholic Church believes that a marriage properly entered into and consummated by sexual intercourse, which becomes a sacrament, cannot be dissolved. The Orthodox churches allow more than one divorce. The Protestant tradition of Luther and Calvin allow divorce on the grounds of adultery and desertion.
The Anglican Church also allows for divorce, recognising that it is falling short of the ideal of marriage, which is that marriage should be a life-long union. The reality is that marriages do break down, and so the church, while affirming the ideal of marriage as a life-long and exclusive union, also makes allowances for marital breakdowns. This has been done since the time of Paul and Matthew.
The second issue of remarriage often proves more controversial and difficult. Some churches see it as permissible for partners in a marriage to love separately and be divorced, as long as they don’t remarry. Often, the church refuses to recognise a re-marriage, and regards the couple as living in adultery. The couple is excluded from Holy Communion and all offices in the church.
In today’s context, Jesus is clearly against divorce and remarriage, which is seen as a sin against the very nature of marriage and involves adultery. However, Jesus was not legalistic in His teaching. He did not come to bring a new law, excepting the Law of love. This can be seen for example in the way He broke the Sabbath rule (John 5). Human needs always take precedence over the law. Jesus dealt with the people where they were. When the woman was caught in adultery, He did not condemn her. (John 8). She was set free to live a new life and go on from the place of sin.
Today, if we are to follow Christ’s example, we should avoid legalism (John 5, John 8). At the same time, one needs to keep in mind the Christian standards of conduct and Christian witness of holiness. There is tension between keeping Christian standards and forgiving people. Should the church accept divorce and remarriage out of love and concern for the people involved, or should the church condemn divorce and remarriage in order to stand out against sin, and to show what is right? Although divorce is not the ideal, it could be better than remarrying in a destructive relationship. When a family has already broken up, are the members of the family best-served by holding together externally a marriage that has lost its inner cohesion and life? The situation must be examined carefully and compassionately. It may be that in some cases, divorce and remarriage are the least unsatisfactory, and therefore the best way forward is to use a utilitarian argument.
The end of the matter is that some people in the midst of divorce think the Church may be the hardest place to go, as things of failure and broken covenants can cause some people to doubt forgiveness from God. Furthermore, in some Christian communities, individuals who are divorced are treated in a way that reinforces feelings of being second-class Christians. Although divorce is not part of God’s vision of a relationship between husband and wife, the Christian community’s response can be one of mercy rather than judgement. The good news is that we all can be made new in Christ.