I am sure I am not the only one who feels the immense pressure of life. The older I get, the more intense it becomes. As of late, I have been struggling with the notion that all I am doing is not enough. Most of the times, I feel the need to get up and do more. There is an unspoken pressure to be more, achieve more – and in essence, do more. This pressure has been all but unspoken – and if anything, I have come to place this pressure on myself, stemming from a place of needing to have everything figured out – an unspoken desire to understand where all I do is leading. The truth is, it stunts the journey. What is supposed to be a life-long journey of discovery has become a journey that daunts me with the fact that, in truth, I have no idea what on earth I am doing. One would deem this normal because most young adults are navigating life, trying to discover what they are passionate about and whether their field of study is what they want to pursue for the rest of their lives.
Although the understanding is clear, that life is a journey; the application thereof is a whole different story. One would think because we know that we cannot foresee life past a year, we should relax and allow things to happen gradually without putting pressure on ourselves to have it figured out, but the truth is the pressure exists. Whether voiced or not, there is still a distinct pressure to have your dream house, dream job and dream car three years after graduation. What makes reality even more daunting is an unspoken comparison that happens among friends and age mates. One can almost not help it!
So, here is what I did: I deleted my Instagram, Facebook and Twitter apps from my phone. I just needed air; I needed to focus on what makes me truly happy, without having to see what everyone else around me is doing. It has been nothing short of great. When I say I needed air, I just needed a moment to breathe from the unspoken pressure to have my life figured out because the truth is, I am just figuring it out. In order to be able to do that, I need space! Needing space can look different to many people. For me, it is touching base with myself.
Allowing myself to be self-engulfed and checking-in with myself. Allowing myself to remind me of my dreams, why I set out to do what I am doing and what makes me happy. Does it have to be outside of everything I deem everyday life? Yes, because I was forgetting to dance. I was forgetting to dance along the way. I was forgetting to celebrate the victories. I was forgetting to be grateful – but most of all, I was forgetting who is in control.
I had completely lost sight of who I am and who I serve. I had long since stopped allowing God to be the author of my destiny. I had long since forgotten that everything I am is a result of Him. I had forgotten that all the acclamation, awards and opportunists stem from Him.
So, here I am doing two things:
1. I am remembering to journey along with this life thing. I am remembering to dance like no one is watching. I am remembering to laugh until my eyes tear up. I am remembering to live.
2. I am setting the pen down and no longer forging what my story should look like, but rather giving over the pen to God because He created me. He should write this story.
So, from one powerhouse to another, here is to remembering to live.
Here is to remembering to putting the pen down.
With love, Mavis
2019-12-11 08:40:51 | 11 months ago