Last night, I sat on my camping chair outside, staring at the full bright moon. I have been doing this at every opportunity since the day I ditched watching television 5 years ago. I felt a sense of nostalgia for the life of my childhood – so full of wonder and absorption into the present moment. How great it was to think back and all that came to mind were the things I wished for and believed would bring me the best of happiness I could ever imagine.
I reflected on the zest I had for life and all the plans I had laid out – a good job, house, car, bag full of cash and a trip to the Bahamas. And to be honest, nothing is more disappointing than a short-lived event of happiness after doing everything to achieve something you believed would bring everlasting happiness – and only to find yourselves devising the next chase – on to the next one – in search for another dopamine fix.
As time went on, the saga continued – and that is the expectation that tomorrow will be better than today – and just one more toy, cigarette, beer or one more like on my Instagram may bring more happiness. Sadly, though, even if events happened, people came and went, and places changed. It seemed as if one thing never really changed that much – and that is the way I always felt inside. It seemed as if the older I got and the more of my dreams I pursued, the more my worries and anxiety also grew bigger. At every achievement came with great excitement but as someone once said, it is just like the feeling you get when you eat ice cream – it never lasts.
But what exactly are we looking for? What do we want or need? And do the things we work so hard for truly bring us fulfilment or could there be something fundamentally amiss that we just can’t put a finger on it so we keep playing the game? Maybe it is an empty space or a void deep inside that we try to fill or a pain we keep trying to numb. What if the aliens are up there somewhere wondering why we keep looking outside and all over the place for what is already within? And that if we only knew that all we had to do is look in the depths of our souls and voila, there it would be in plain insight!
While we are at it, I want to make it categorically clear that there is nothing wrong with pursuing our dreams and I would be the first person to encourage anyone to follow and achieve even the wildest of their dreams. What I am hinting at here is whether we should achieve our dreams as a means to an end or simply achieve them as an end in themselves. I mean, wouldn’t it be sad to realise only at the end of our lives that the things that mattered most were right there for us to take and experience but it seems we believed we first had to walk without our shoes touching the ground?
Anyway, we may as well just continue to play the game and present a picture on the outside that we’ve got it all under control while doing the best to hide our vulnerability because life is only experienced individually within anyway. Only the experiencer knows the sincerity of their presentation and control over what impression they would like to make. That is my two cents for today – for I don’t know what tomorrow may bring and I may tell you a whole new different story.
By Karlos TheGreat
2020-02-14 09:30:34 | 14 days ago