The generation of today has made it a point to rally against gender issues and have become incredibly verbal about what they want and will not stand for. This has created mass awareness around gender oppression and has shed light on abuse faced in the name of love. This, however, was countered by the notion that love suffers long. That the one who will stand through the emotional abuse and inconsistency of a man is much more worthy and deserves to be a wife. Some time back, we had Gucci Mane marry Keyshia, this was met by social media posts with captions glorifying her sticking out the cheating, inconsistency, drug use and jail time. The choice will forever remain that of the parties involved, but I for one am not one to stand on the sideline and keep quiet. This is because we stand to raise a generation that pulls back the growth we are trying to nurture. The shackles we are trying to cut off from women because although love is a fundamental part of our beings and many of us want to be married, it will not come at the cost of our value.
Earlier this week I had an intense conversation with a friend. The conversation was centred around looking into your self to understand what about us permits us to be treated less than we deserve. The reality is you will be treated the way you permit. You set the standards of how you want to be treated, what you will allow and what you will not. We need to understand why it is important for us to do introspection, as to what parts of us allow us to be treated as less than what we are? What about us will opt to stay with a cheating man, an emotionally abusive man or an inconsistent, indecisive man who will not give us the commitment we seek? For some it is not so much ill-treatment as it is, not receiving the love we believe we deserve, yet we settle. We comfort ourselves in the notion that this is what I have known for so long, that choosing to leave and walk away, feels like so much more work than staying.
The question is why?
The answer is self.
For as long as you run from yourself, and do not take time to look yourself in the mirror you
will find yourself in toxic situations that you cannot seem to get yourself out of. You find that although you want to walk away, although you know that you deserve better, a small voice convinces you to stay. The small voice tells you it will get better, he will change, you will work through it and someday your relationship will find peace. This may very well be true, on the other hand, it may be fear binding you.
Fear of the unknown.
Many of us have been hurt and are walking around with hurt from so long ago we convince ourselves that surely we are fine. Yet, the areas of our lives that hurt us we never worked through. The hurt can be related to past relationships, but for some, it is a matter of walking around with a deficiency. We grew up the stepchild and have a feeling of never belonging. Some are afraid this is as good as it gets. Others have watched their mothers grow up with no man to take care of them, they fear ending up alone. Others grew up in a home that lacked love, and want to ensure their children do not end up in a loveless home. Others have strong characters and have been told women with strength more often than not end up alone, so you ought to be grateful a man will have you. Others have been told all men cheat, so settle.
If you look at your life and look at the areas that go way back that hurt you. You will find that many of the things we are struggling with today stem from way back in our childhood or past. We find ourselves trying to fix the now when the root of the problem is what needs to be worked on. We find ourselves in reoccurring similar situations and cannot seem to explain why we find ourselves in the same mess. It usually means that there is a deficiency that needs to be addressed. An insecurity, a fear that binds you to that place that once hurt you.
Find it, go back there and face yourself. By going back, you will be able to heal yourself from the root and finally believe you deserve better than what you are settling for.
You do not need to settle, you are a princess that deserves to be crowned Queen.
From one Queen to another
With a tad bit of crazy
*Mavis Braga Elias is a Civil Engineer by qualification and a Marketing Officer by profession. A philanthropist of heart and founder of the EM Love Foundation. She won the Vivid Philanthropist award in 2015 and the Queens Leaders Awards 2018. Catch up with Mavis
Twitter – @maviselias; Instagram – @maviselias; Facebook – fb.me/mavis.braga
2020-01-29 10:02:29 | 5 months ago