Vakwetu, Namibia and South Africa are at war. First, I thought maybe we were fighting over the Orange River like we nearly did with Botswana over Kasikili Island. But when I heard that the war with South Africa was bigger, huuu, I started getting cold chills down my spine, taking me back to those brown uniformed boys who used to chase us with casspirs in the dusty streets of Katutura during apartheid times. And remembering how those huge rugby boys used to moer us for toyi-toying during student uprisings, I just wanted to grab my bags and my two nonnatjies and dodge. I was wondering where to run to.
Do I run to the nearest eastern borders like our forefathers and mothers did during the war of genocide when those skolies Von Bismarck and Kaiser Wilhelm decided without skande that this was now their country and sent the notorious Von Trotha to tell darkies to leave or die because this was no more their country and they were not wanted here anymore, anywhere, anyhow? Okwa, and that nogals on an
African land where they just wanted to overnight on their way to heaven-knows where.
Or do I run to our Kizomba discoteca noisy neighbours up north or the Kwazza-Kwazza “you see me, you see money” mushindas who made Namibia their oasis in the 90s until they ran out of American dollars – thanks to the Namibian kamborotos who just knew how to dig deep holes in their pockets? Maybe not such a good idea, knowing that I can’t speak sign language and my Pora or Lingala is rusty.
Was it not just a breath of fresh air when I finally learned that the Nam/SA war was just an imaginary/virtual war on Twitter where someone somewhere in SA decided to poke and gwarra Namibians for being so quiet like mice in the church and apparently missing from the Southern African map? It may have started hilariously but before you knew it, the harmless gwarra turned toasty as they started roasting each other over everything. The SatAfricans called us dumb for selling our fish for a cellular phone; Namibians retaliated, calling South Africans dom for selling a whole country to the Namaste tycoon family while being ruled by a butternut.
The SatAfricans threatened to take back their energy (power) because they were tired of Namibians gwararing them over load shedding while they borrow power from them. But then it got nasty when comparisons were made between the two first ladies, saying one is a walking spook and looks like she was brought back to life by that skelm Prophet Lukau. Remember the episode where that fake prophet kama resuscitated an open-mouthed mampara in a white suite laying in a coffin who later died for real?
In any case, I understand that the Nam/SA “war” is still ongoing. But I hope it ends in gwarra and does not get serious because as the saying goes in Afrikaans ‘grap maak ‘n krap’ (a joke can turn on its head). We have South Africans who came to Namibia in the early days of apartheid who are now our sisis and butis. We don’t look at them any other way than we look at any other Namibian. We also have Namibians living, working and studying in South Africa, and fighting with our most southern neighbour is not ayoba, especially knowing how some of them can suma decide we must futchek out of their country in Juju’s tone.
Talking of Juju, etsé kunjani umfowethu? Sawubona buti. Is it not enough that you are turning your parliament into a circus? Now, you also want to tell this Ou Hendrikkie’s country that they should leave out Fishrot ... ai, I mean the South African lawyers “if Namibia wants to be taken seriously”. Why don’t you take a leaf from your fellow party member and stop reading romantic novels? Esas, man!
But awê brother, howzit sister? We should stop dissing each other. We are one. We share a common history. We were colonised by the same devil; we share common languages like Afrikaans and Khoekhoegowab; most of us probably have some Khoisan blood running through our veins and we all still love house, kwaito and disco. Let’s stop this war and drink our umqomboti as we used to when days were hard. This want to moer-mekaar business between us is not ayoba.
Sorry Ngo!