EENHANA – It has been seeming alright for men to marry younger women, 20 or even 30 years younger than them. But when a 50 year old woman marries a 20 -year -old man, this is seems as strange if not immoral?
Society has come to accept that a man can marry a girl fit to be their daughter but for a woman to do that it is unacceptable. Julian Mutilifa is a divorced woman who fell in love with a man 15 years her junior. This relationship, she believes, brought passion back to her lonely world. They have been together for two years now and everything seems to be going well, except for the occasional accusatory eyes that seems to judge her when they are together in public. “I was single for some time but finally found love, and even though I am 15 years older than him, our relationship blossoms more and more every day. Sometimes I worry and feel ashamed about our age differences but he comforts me and tells me not to worry about what others think and that I should instead focus on how he feels about me. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and I feel the same, though I am scared of how society will react if we decide to get married,” says Mutilifa.
Like Mutilifa, many old women are defying societal stereotypes and are dating much younger men. But despite the society’s perceptions, older women commonly known as “sugar mummies” or “cougars” in Windhoek are getting into relationship with much young men. So, why do older women go for men young enough to date their daughters? And do the men genuinely love these women or are there benefits that come with dating older women?
According to Joyce Negongo who works with the Eenhana District Hospital as a counsellor and mentor, some young men are materialistic and financially strained, so they look out for older women who are already financially stable and can provide for them. However, she warns that such relationships usually end in a bad way. She cautions old women to avoid going into relationships with young boys. “Women should have some dignity and conduct themselves in a manner that will not compel society to judge them.”
Ndinelao Jonas, a counselor in the Ministry of Gender Equality and Child Welfare at Okongo warns that many such relationships are based on lust or materialistic needs. But she is quick to add that a few might be a result of true love. “Sometimes young men prefer relationships with older women because they are caring, settled and trustworthy, things that come with maturity. A young man can see something unique in a woman twice his age and decide to be with her and there is nothing wrong with that,” Jonas says. She believes that if two people are in love and decide to get married regardless of their age difference, it should not be a problem. It could be true love because love has no boundaries,” Jonas adds.
Lazarus Kambinda, a 26- year- old male nurse here says that people do what they do for a reason. “Some women are lonely and if she meets someone, then all the best to her. Everyone needs affection, if a lonely woman finds affection and love with a man who is, say 27, and she is 40, it should not be a problem, he says
Chris Antonio, a 24-year-old student at University of Namibia (Unam)’s Faculty of Engineering in Ongwediva says that a glaring age difference in relationships can only bring about bad consequences. According to him, being in a relationship with a much older woman would only be a waste of time since such women always have their own targets, like sexual satisfaction. He warns that such a woman is not searching for a soul mate and guys in such relationships are also after selfish interests. “Some of these women are even married, with a busy husband, the woman ends up looking for someone younger with fewer commitments. Other women are simply unfortunate that at their old age, they are not married so they have certain needs and they end seducing young boys who are desperate for cash or any promises they may offer,” Antonio says.
Alfeus Kavale shares the same view, saying that dating older women is something that should be frowned upon by society. He calls it shameless because he wonders why a woman would be attracted to a boy fit to be her son in the first place. “It is shameful to date a woman so much older than you. I wonder if men who go for these women don’t have eyes for girls their own age?” Kavale wonders.
For 35-year-old Angelina Kasuto, dating a younger man is not in any way shameful.
“First of all one cannot control how they feel, the heart wants what it wants. If it falls for a 21-year-old, so be it. I don’t see any problem with that. The sweetest thing about this is that a younger guy respects you more because he knows that you have more experience in life than he has,” she adds