Nowadays, love is becoming increasingly hard to define or understand. 

It seems that many partners in relationships are using love as a way of concealing their temporary personal issues – a situation that requires serious attention. 

The behaviour of intimate partners has become worrisome, as many use love to manipulate others for their own gain.

However, most partners only realise this manipulation once everything has fallen apart. 

Some notice the warning signs early but choose to ignore them. 

One must understand that ignoring a partner’s manipulative or troubling behaviour is a form of self-deception.   Manipulative partners often use love as a tool to demand money unnecessarily or to put you through stressful experiences that lead to regret – offering nothing in return and acting selfishly.

Today, many people are struggling due to the traps set by those they once adored. 

Imagine paying off debts that are now benefitting your former partner, who has happily moved on elsewhere.  It is painful, especially when you believed it was true love. 

Partners should constantly assess the intentions of their “babe” to avoid mental shock – especially in one-sided, toxic relationships that operate like undercover scams.

Those suffering because of a partner’s manipulative tactics should find their way out and recognise that there are still good people out there. 

Sometimes, it only takes prayer and patience to find the right person – someone who will help you build a permanent, loving home until God says it is enough. The question is: Will your partner stay after you lose your source of income?  If the answer is ‘no’, then you may be heading into the land of forgetfulness.  It is also worth noting that spending uncontrollably to sustain a relationship does not guarantee its success – just as impressing someone with expensive gifts does not ensure loyalty or love.

Partners must be alert to deceptive relationships where one’s dreams and goals are derailed for the other’s personal benefit. 

There are many real-life responsibilities worth focusing on, such as saving money, buying a house, owning a car and supporting family dependents. 

However, a boyfriend or girlfriend cannot be classified as a dependent – rather, they should be a go-getter.  If not, that relationship is best avoided. Additionally, those who fall for beauty or charm without considering a partner’s mindset may continue to do so, but they must also be ready to “harvest what they sow”.

 In my view, many unhappy and stressed partners ignore red flags or fear being abandoned if they question bad behaviour. But silence only worsens mental health struggles. Many who suffer in silence find it hard to leave toxic relationships, no matter the level of stress or harm caused. 

Sadly, some even take their own lives instead of seeking help. 

It is also distressing that ill-mannered partners have mastered the art of using others before moving on to their next victims. 

Relationships, therefore, require a serious overhaul for the sake of genuine happiness.

A happy heart drives positivity and repels negative thoughts. 

Unfortunately, there is now a growing trend of “no one wants to settle for less” – a dangerous notion often echoed by individuals who have little to offer or no business vision.  Trust must instead be built on a partner’s consistent actions and behaviour – a reliable test for qualification or disqualification.

Furthermore, any relationship that lacks a shared financial goal is voidable as is one with a self-centred partner. 

Manipulative individuals often use phrases like “stingy man” or “stingy woman” to guilt-trip others and exploit them in the name of love. 

True success, however, depends on hard work, financial discipline, goal-setting and surrounding oneself with smart, growth-oriented partners.

It is, therefore, wise to keep a partner who shares sound investment ideas rather than one who drains or mentally abuses you. 

Investing fairly in each other also ensures that, even if a relationship ends, no one feels used. 

It is this feeling of being “used” that often fuels revenge and violence, yet violence has no place in the Motherland.

Partners must, therefore, change their approach to love and fully respect the laws of love as taught in the Bible.

*Tobias Nanhinda is a librarian at the gender ministry. He assists with proposals and theses off duty. The views expressed in this article are his own and not those of his employer. -nanhix7@gmail.com