These past few days, I have been reading a lot of articles about how to exist in this fast-paced world, which has been completely swallowed by the internet. We are living in a time were everything feels urgent, loud, and immediate, even our healing. 

One article that stood out for me was the one that said “healing has made us a mean generation”. At first, it felt dramatic, but the more I sat with it, the more I realised there’s some truth there.

The writer spoke about how therapy has helped us name our pain, our triggers, our childhood wounds, all things that were once buried. But somewhere along the way, we started weaponising that language against the very people we love.

 Suddenly, your friend is “toxic” because they did not respond the way you expected. Suddenly, someone is “emotionally unavailable” because they don’ know all your triggers by heart. We forget that not everybody is sitting in therapy every week. 

Not everyone grew up learning emotional vocabulary. Some of our friends are doing the best they can with the tools they have, even if those tools are not perfect.

What I took away from that article is this: sometimes it’s okay to exist and be a friend without bringing trauma into every situation. Sometimes, especially in moments were we are called to show up, it’s enough to be kind. To choose compassion over correction. To choose presence over analysis. We don’t always have to dissect each other.

And honestly, maybe this message is even more important now, as the year comes to an end. This is the season were people are tired in a different way, spiritually, emotionally, and financially. What better time than now to be a community for our friends? A community that offers each other immense grace, instead of pressure to heal at a perfect pace.

Personally, I feel like this year has been extra heavy on millennials. We are adults. The real ones. Responsibilities are not knocking anymore; they are inside the house. We are juggling work, bills, side hustle, expectations, and self-growth. On top of that, we have become the people our parents call to tell them about their problems, while we are still trying to figure out our own. If I am already carrying all of that, and now my own healing journey is being used against me? It won’t work koliks.

This is not to say we must ignore growth or pretend our wounds don’t exist. No. We all have parts of ourselves that need healing, but we can do it gently. We can do it with softness. Healing should not make us harder to love; it should make us more understanding. It should not isolate us; it should bring us closer to the people who care for us.

It has been a long, demanding year. If nobody has told you this yet: rest. Breathe. Ease into the last stretch with kindness, for others, yes, but also for yourself. Enjoy the rest of it. You deserve that much.

*Frieda Mukufa’s lifestyle section in the New Era concentrates on women-related issues and parenting. She specialises in editing research proposals, proofreading and content creation. – etuholefrieda@ gmail.com