A few days ago, I was in a conversation where someone was asked why they groped a girl. Their answer was, “ons was almal dronk, bra”. Going back and forth with this person to make him understand that touching someone without consent is not okay was pretty much pointless because it didn’t yield any results, because instead of listening, he got louder and asked, “Yeah, who controls who can be touched when everyone is drunk, parties are like that, bra.”

And the thing is, the other men there agreed with him. To them, if a girl accepts a drink, she’s basically agreeing to whatever happens next. Going with you, entertaining you, being touched. To them, alcohol replaces consent. That part stayed with me, because it wasn’t just one person being ignorant, it was the mindset of men.

And you see it all the time. Especially in social spaces. Groove, events, long weekends. Places where people are supposed to be having a good time. But that ‘good time’ is not the same for everyone. While some people are enjoying themselves, others are busy dealing with men who think touching is normal. 

For many women, these environments come with the added burden of having to constantly be aware of unwanted attention and inappropriate behaviour. What is considered a ‘good time’ for some often comes at the expense of someone else’s comfort.

With long weekends such as Easter, it is important to be intentional about how we show up in these spaces. Enjoyment should not mean disregarding others. Consent is clear, no means no. It does not mean maybe, it does not mean later, and it does not mean convince me. It simply means stop.

Respecting people also goes beyond consent. It includes how we move around others and how we interact with them. Touching someone’s body is not a form of communication. If you need to pass, say “excuse me.” If you want someone’s attention, speak to them. These are basic actions that show consideration.

Ultimately, accountability matters. Alcohol does not remove it, and social settings do not excuse behaviour. People are responsible for what they do, regardless of the environment they are in.

As people go out to enjoy themselves, the expectation should be simple: have a good time, but not at the expense of others. Respect should remain constant.

*Frieda Mukufa’s lifestyle section in the New Era concentrates on women-related issues and parenting. She specialises in editing research proposals, proofreading and content creation.– etuholefrieda@ gmail.com