Magreth Nunuhe
WE started 2014 on a good footing with one drop of rain trying to outdo the other. Farmers must be relieved now that their animals and gardens are getting all the grass and water they deserve. While you are at it, please remember that we, the so-called mbwitis, haven’t forgotten vasie (village) life. We still like to drink omaere and eat our porridge and freshly baked bread with komazam. We also long for all the wild berries, potatoes and other goodies that nature provides; just kindly mail them to us with the next kasaru (mini-bus) coming this way. We are also doing very well spiritually. The other day we held prayer day with our President and Founding Father and it was quite a breathtaking event in remembrance of those who perished due to senseless gender-based killings. Ai, must you kamma roll your eyes at the mere mention of the G-O-D word? I am not on a religious bashing crusade even though I feel tempted to ask how some of you became godeloos (non-believers).
Anyways, the point I wanted to make about prayer day is that the spirit at Sam Nujoma Stadium so much resembled our first celebration of independence in 1990 when everybody braced the hot sun in unity. Some of you were not born or were still kanatjes in diapers but that doesn’t mean you cannot put your imagination to good use. That is why in my attempt to revive that spirit of oneness on the eve of our 24th independence celebration I decided to put together some hilarious characteristics that make us truly Namibian.
You know you are a Namibian when:
1. You show up at a party uninvited but stuff the foods and drinks in a big handbag you brought especially for the occasion. (While saying to yourself ‘Ai, why must they aangaan, hoeka. After all, they will throw the food away or give it to the dogs.)
2. Everyone you grew up with in the same lokasie is either your cousin, sister or brother even though you are not in the slightest blood-related.
3. Borrowing means giving freely and unconditionally and not expecting the ‘gift’ to be returned. (It’s strange that some people get angry when you don’t pay them back even if it has been six months after. What is money, anyway?)
4. Real work stops at 1 o’clock pm on Friday. (Ag, what does it help to stay in the office, everyone else is already at kapana or Herero Mall.)
5. Mob justice prevails for gossiping about your neighbour. (Ja, it’s right. They gonna learn.)
6. You withdraw an assault case at the police station after your jealous boyfriend ‘bliksemd’ you black and blue. (Ai tog, I love him and can’t see him suffer like that.)
7. It’s okay to drive the latest BMW but sleep in a kambashu somewhere in Havana oupereke (shanty town).
8. You apprehend a criminal and bring him to the police station, just to make sure there is no excuse that there is no police car available at that moment, but the criminal still manages to escape from police custody.
9. Family or friends show up at your house and expect you to go tjanga a crate of beer at Meme’s mbashu and still expect you to cook the last piece of meat left in the fridge.
10. A 3-hour road trip to Swakopmund takes you 6 hours because half the time you spent running into the bush to relieve yourself from the Windhoek Lagers.
11. You are not sure whether you are at a funeral or wedding as the wine and meat are plenty and everyone is showing up dressed to the T. (Og, that party was nxa, even Gazza and Big Ben were there. My friend just picked me up and said, we are going to a party and we must look fly.)
12. When you ‘borrow’ a nice outfit on Saturday from Truworths on your credit card only to return it to the store with price tag and all on Monday.
With that I bid you a proud Namibian Independence Day. Sorry Ngo!
mnunuhe@newera.com.na