Going through life wanting the approval of our loved ones seems to be one of those things most, if not all, of us in our own ways have in common; it’s human, I guess. Somehow, through nature and nurture, we learn to see ourselves through the eyes of our environment from a young age. All the way into adulthood, how others view us can often influence how we view ourselves significantly.
This can be just as bad as it can be good, since others won’t always see you in the best light. Allowing outside eyes to define you can be tricky.
As much as we want acknowledgement from especially the ones we hold dear, they don’t always understand us or our dreams, or have their own idea of what they think we should be. And of course, others just don’t care for it. For some, it takes years of convincing for them to truly accept the person you choose to be. As emotional beings, when those we care about don’t believe in us or our dreams, it can make you start to doubt yourself and your choices. When those around you invalidate you, it can quickly start to shake your self-confidence.
At the same time, however, our loved ones also see things in us that we may not see or notice within ourselves. From an early age, they can help us identify certain individual talents and encourage or help us nurture those. Their faith in us can ignite passions, and inspire us to go for things we never could have imagined possible. The validation and endorsement of our environment can propel us to truly remarkable heights, which is why we need to surround ourselves with more people who believe in us, helping us navigate our life journey and giving us much-needed perspective.
This positive reinforcement will increasingly instil in you the confidence to follow your dreams.
I came to accept that as much as I want my loved ones to see me, wanting their approval is normal, but nothing makes their approval more important than my own.
I don’t need their approval to feel good about myself; I just have to feel good about who I am, where I am at in life, and remain steadfast in where I am headed. The approval I want from others is the same validation I deserve from myself. Others merely mirror me through their individual perspectives. They don’t tell me who I am, I define who I am. It’s okay to choose and believe in yourself and your choices over theirs.
That does not mean you love them any less. The best choice you can make is to do what’s best for yourself. You don’t need their approval to succeed. You just have to be and do you. They will eventually come around, and if they don’t, that’s okay too.
* Paula Christoph’s column concentrates on positive and inspirational write-ups every second Friday in the New Era newspaper.