Magreth Nunuhe
The most dreaded adrenalin rush season is here – the Brazilian (Hair) Soccer World Cup. We know about the rules you have glued on the fridge, kama the remote is yours and yours only. we shouldn’t whisper sweet-nothings in your ears while the game is on and we shouldn’t stand in front of the TV even in our sexy Victoria Secret lingerie because we are not made of transparent glass.
Ladies we are in trouble. What are we gonna do to get our share of sweety-pies’ attention? And what about Telemundo, vakuetu? You know the ‘Cruel Love’ soapie is about to come to its final climax and that new soapie, uhm… ‘Someone is Watching’ is full of suspense and those doctors are hotties, né? Not to talk of ‘Forbidden Passion’…is the husband about to find out that she is cheating on him with his nephew?
I am looking at the FIFA World Cup match schedule and none of the games start until 18h00. That is prime time for us on our television screens. Some matches are even beginning as late as 00h00. That’s the time we tuck ourselves in warmly and watch the Telemundo repeats that we missed during working hours. Ti Elotse, this is dobbolery of the highest order. Can’t DStv do something like maybe delay some of the football games so that we can share television time equally?
But some of you ladies are also making us look like bimbos. How can you ask mampara questions like whether your team, Liverpool, is also going to participate in the World Cup? I am a devoted Manchester United fan, but during the World Cup, we should all be united as Africans. So, if Ghana, Cameroon, Ivory Coast or Nigeria is playing, please scream for them. Remember that Algeria is also an African team even though the boys look like our coolies from the Dal or the As-Salamu Alaykum (peace be upon you) brothers.
Please don’t support Brazil solely because you happen to don Brazilian hair. Think of all the poor Brazilian chicas that had gone bald like there was some cancer outbreak in the Land of Pele. And no, not everyone who went to the World Cup will come back with a weave of Brazilian hair – we are watching you at immigration.
I know some of you are supporting Germany in the hope that they will win and pay the moola for the atrocities they committed against our forefathers.
But ladies, we can’t just accept to be treated like doormats during the football season, of hoe? That’s why we must put together some basic conditions that will ensure that harmony prevails during the tournament:
We will seize the credit card and cheque book (with pin number and signature rights) because you will mos be glued to the television screen and won’t have time to run around to stupid braais and kambashus.
We will also hold onto the cellular phone because you don’t want to be disturbed by unnecessary calls and conversations. We definitely don’t want those mosquitoes to disturb you with requests for N$2 airtime or N$50 e-Wallet.
We will also keep the car keys because this month you are definitely not going to need the car. Whatever you need, we will drive and fetch for you so that you don’t miss any part of the game.
You will not want breakfast in bed this month, because you will literally be sleeping in the living room and the kitchen is very close.
Lastly, you will not comment on the Brazilian girls in the audience when the cameraman has an attention deficit disorder moment. This also applies to your chommies that may come watch the game with you.
We promise to be the devoted, doting wifey, fiancée, girlfriend or kamboroto whenever the need arises before and after the season ends. Enjoy the World Cup. Sorry Ngo!
mnunuhe@newera.com.na