Windhoek
As Namibia joins many countries of the world in celebrating Fathers’ Day on Sunday, New Era this week took time to reflect on the important role fathers play in the lives of their children.
Gender activist, Ngamane Karuaihe-Upi attributes part of the societal problems to the lack of fathers in many homes.
Fathers, Karuaihe-Upi says, play a fundamental role particularly in instilling discipline in the lives of their children.
Therefore, the absence of fathers in the lives of children is the reason why some children turn out to be unruly, he adds.
Furthermore, like Karuaihe-Upi, Siegfried Neumann observes that there are many societal problems because most men never had the father figure to guide them into responsible beings.
But, why are there so many absent fathers in the country?
Karuaihe-Upi says men sometimes engage in irresponsible sexual activities or have many sexual partners without considering the consequences. As a result, many children are born without their fathers really being present throughout their lives.
Despite the typically sad Namibian picture of single mothers raising children all by themselves, there are also men who refuse to neglect their parental responsibilities.
One such man is 41-year-old Neumann, a father of four teenagers – three boys and one girl. When Neumann and the mother of his four children separated five years ago, he took over the responsibility of taking care of their children, one year after the separation. “Circumstances didn’t allow them to stay with their mom and I was very close to my kids,” he says. Neumann says he respects women who raise children on their own because it is not an easy task.
“The younger they (children) are the more the responsibility,” comments Neumann, as he reminisces on his years of taking care of his children.
His was not an easy journey, he says, because he had a full-time job, studies and the responsibility of taking care of the children.
Neumann made many sacrifices in order to give his children a decent upbringing, work and studies included, so much so that he would take a few subjects at a time in order to attend to the children.
“I couldn’t go for more than a day or two out of town,” he adds.
The petit Neumann highlights that doing laundry was a problem for him. “Luckily I had a machine,” he swiftly adds. He says twice a month he had somebody who had to come in to clean his house, and “she still does”. “But, the rest of the days we make sure that we clean up,” Neumann shares, adding that he did not have a helper to take care of the children.
This also meant he was responsible for cooking.
However, now that the children are old enough they also help him with attending to the house chores.
Neumann stresses that a father is important in the lives of his children primarily because he was created to be a leader of the home. “In the absence of that leadership children can stray,” he says.
“Fathers should be very soft-hearted and tough in giving directions to their kids,” asserts Neumann. While women are more nurturing and gentle, Neumann stresses that fathers are there to maintain discipline.
He says, fathers should be actively present in the lives of their children.
“It’s very bad for anyone to be an ATM father. Kids need more than money. I’d rather be poor than work up to 12 O’clock (midnight) without giving attention to my kids,” he adds.
Neumann was in the company of his daughter Kim, who has very high regard for her father. Although she notes that her father was strict in raising them up he remains her best friend, mother and teacher.
“Is your dad the kind of man you would want in a future husband?” this reporter asks the 17-year-old Kim.
“I wouldn’t actually mind because he’s perfect,” she replies with a smile on her face. The seemingly disciplined Kim’s advice to fathers is “to have time for their kids, show them love and make them understand certain important things in life”. Asked on the importance of Father’s Day, Neumann smiles and says, “On Mother’s Day I get compliments too. There are a lot of people who have respect for me. I think I got it from my father that is loving kids with everything in me.”
Meanwhile, Karuaihe-Upi’s message to men is that they should be visible in the lives of their children. “The rewards (of being present in the lives of children) build a nation,” he adds.
Reverend Ngeno Nakamhela of the Inner City ELCIN Church says men have a “big responsibility towards their children”, hence they should not distance themselves from their children.
A special service will be held at the Inner City Lutheran Church this Sunday, he says. The service will mainly be a reflection on the role of fatherhood as well as men’s responsibility in fighting against violence perpetrated against women and children.
Karuaihe-Upi says, “I’m against men being providers unless they provide for their children. Fathers should be fathers every day. You don’t take a break,” he noted and that fathers should not only be pampered on Father’s Day.
Angelique Appollus, the Supervisor of the Hilton Spar, says Fathers’ Day is observed to make fathers feel special. “It’s to show appreciation to our fathers,” she says.