Sometimes, I believe that we allow shame to creep into us. Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘Ask around, I have no shame?. I am a firm believer in that phrase. However, recently, I have come to almost go against it.
Growing up, as a woman, we were allowed to carry shame with us everywhere, even when it had nothing to do with us. It was almost like God created us to constantly bear the burden of shame as a woman, and it didn’t help that society’s conditioning and patriarchy added to it.
An incident happened a few days back, and for a split second, I felt the surge of shame run through my body so fast that had I been seven shades lighter, the shame would have manifested itself on my face. This incident was so small, yet it made me think about how we allow shame to be generational, and help it survive because we have been conditioned to always welcome it.
Monday afternoon was a bit quiet at the office when my boss strolled into the editor’s section. He was going to just stroll by, yet I made it my mission to show him something I had already paraded to the whole office. He politely came over, and I hurriedly went into my handbag to hand him a stack of tickets to my poetry show that I wanted him to purchase. I don’t know, I thought I grabbed it, but it was not the tickets. I handed him a pad. Yes, a pad. I am almost sure that every woman reading this is slightly embarrassed on my behalf. But, why? Moving past the question, I was surprised about how I reacted actually. I casually apologised and put it back, took the tickets, and tried to make use of my best sales tricks.
Coming back to the question of why I was ashamed, it is conditioning. Going back to my first paragraph, shame was something that was a part of every girl’s curriculum. This often carried things that had nothing to do with us being shameful. Like my incident. For all I know, he might not even know what it was. Yet, because of the connotation that menstruation has in society, that it is unclean and should be a secret, I was ashamed, and felt like a part of me has been exposed. Because of these things, women often find themselves in spaces where they can’t openly talk about their menstruation troubles like cramps and so forth. And worse off, they find themselves in settings where they might need a pad or tampon, but because of how society deems periods, they will be hesitant.
Yes, for a lot of years, women have been trying to alleviate period poverty in a lot of settings where girls find themselves subjected to far worse situations. However, it is equally important to also teach these girls that there is nothing shameful about carrying a pad or taking it out of your handbag, and everyone can see it while you look for your keys. It is also important to note that there is a large number of women who need to unlearn these taboos around menstruation, and the connotation of shame attached to it. It’s just blood. Nothing unhygienic about it.
*Frieda Mukufa’s lifestyle section concentrates on women-related issues and parenting in the New Era newspaper. She also specialises in editing research proposals, proofreading as well as content- creation. – etuholefrieda@gmail.com