Last time, I wrote about friendships that help us navigate life and their different phases. 

I must say, the way many people received it reminded me that there are still communities of people who are fully willing to carry each other – friends who show up, friends who hold space, friends who do not scatter when life gets loud. 

That, alone, deserves a round of applause, especially in a world like ours today, where everyone is tired and often fighting battles in silence.

But as we move into the festive season, I think there is one important conversation that hardly ever gets into the spotlight even though it exists everywhere around us: platonic friendships. 

Pure, intentional friendships between men and women that are rooted in respect, trust, boundaries and genuine connection without romance as the driving force.

You see, I have never subscribed to the idea that men and women cannot be friends unless one of them is not heterosexual. 

Neither do I agree with the popular line, “women are too much drama, so it’s easier to be friends with men”. 

That conversation must happen another day, but what I know for a fact is this: platonic friendships exist.

People bond over shared values, humour, vulnerability, childhood experiences and the comfort of being understood. 

None of that should be restricted by gender.

Most of what shapes our friendships, especially with the opposite sex, can be traced back to upbringing and early dynamics at home. 

If you grew up in a house full of boys, for example, you might be more accustomed to how they speak, play, joke and navigate the world. 

So, reaching out and forming friendships with men becomes natural, even effortless. 

The same applies if you grew up in a home with mostly girls.

For most men, emotional intelligence, openness and softness become familiar.

Sometimes, it is not even that deep. 

Sometimes, you just gel. 

You meet someone, you speak the same humour, you find the same things ridiculous, you respect each other’s boundaries without being told – and before you know it, you have a friend, not a potential partner, not a “situationship in waiting” – just a friend.

But as beautiful as these friendships are, they also come with challenges that people do not like to talk about. 

One of the biggest ones is external perception. Society loves to assume. 

The moment a man and a woman share a close bond, the world starts whispering. 

Suddenly everyone thinks it “must be something more,” ‘ah, hoe is julle kama net vriende? Wie is dom?” 

Sometimes, you even find yourself explaining a friendship that does not need defending. 

It is exhausting, and often unnecessary.

Another challenge is emotional boundaries. Platonic friendships require honesty, self-awareness and clear communication. 

They also require maturity – to know when you are crossing a line, understanding the weight of emotional labour and respecting that someone who cares deeply for you platonically is not automatically interested romantically.

However, the truth is that platonic friendships are some of the most grounding relationships we can have. 

They balance us, expand our worldview, force us to unlearn stereotypes about each other, and give us access to perspectives.

As we step into the festive season, a time when relationships of all kinds are tested, celebrated or redefined, it is a good time to appreciate the platonic friendships in our lives because, at the end of the day, friendship, in all its forms, is simply about choosing each other with intention. 

That choice, when made honestly, is one of the purest gifts we have.

*Frieda Mukufa’s lifestyle section in the New Era concentrates on women-related issues and parenting. She specialises in editing research proposals, proofreading and content creation. – etuholefrieda@ gmail.com