In Namibian spaces, there are certain conversations that refuse to leave the households and the many gatherings where some older women and certain men gather. 

When in these spaces, you do not need to look far to find a woman who has been silenced by shame. 

Often, this kind of shame is never even hers to carry. It is often a result of what society has placed upon her. 

Some of that shame is not even the legal kind, nor the church kind, but the kind that comes from aunties, cousins, neighbours and society. 

Sometimes, when I talk to people about it, I refer to it as being accompanied by double oppression because of what it puts women through. 

The minute a woman opens her mouth about her trauma, whether it is sexual abuse, abortion, divorce or even just setting boundaries, that is when you hear the whispers start, ‘Who’s going to marry her now?’

This question has been in existence for so long that the women before my grandmothers knew it and hid from it through arranged marriages – often the wrong ones – just to please their parents, tradition or society. 

Despite having existed ages ago, one would think that now it is non-existent.

 However, even in the 21st Century, we saw it during the #ShutItAllDown protests in 2020 when brave young women took to the streets, many sharing personal stories of assault. Instead of nationwide support, some were met with online bullying, victim-blaming and family tension. 

As if surviving the violence was not enough, now they must survive the same culture too. 

These were accompanied by remarks such as ‘who will marry someone who parades themselves naked in the street?’ as if a woman’s nakedness was the only thing to her.

Namibian women are taught from a young age to prioritise being “respectable”. 

Being respectable often means silence. 

It means never calling out the uncle who makes inappropriate jokes, not reporting your boyfriend when he slaps you during an argument and staying in a marriage where you are unhappy just to avoid being labelled as ‘the problem’ or sometimes out of shame.

We have read enough stories to know and understand that women are never far away from being defiled and dirty, and can no longer be used. 

However, as long as time has existed, these very same sentiments have never been applied to me. 

For long, especially the church, women have been cast out because they fell pregnant or they had sexual relations with a man from the church. 

However, the man was never chased or even faced any consequences. 

That is how deeply the root goes. 

It is exhausting and unfair.

When women speak up, we are not ruining our reputations.

 We are reclaiming our humanity. 

Let us stop treating survivors as damaged goods. 

Let us stop punishing truth-tellers and start questioning the structures that protect abusers.

Real healing starts with removing shame from truth. 

Speaking out is not an act of disgrace but an act of power.

*Frieda Mukufa’s lifestyle section in the New Era concentrates on women-related issues and parenting. She also specialises in editing research proposals, proofreading and content creation.

– etuholefrieda@ gmail.com