Pregnancy is often described as a beautiful journey, but for many women, it is also a period of immense hardship, especially when they are left to go through it alone. While some men embrace fatherhood with pride and responsibility, others choose to walk away, leaving the mother of their child to navigate the emotional, physical, and financial challenges of pregnancy without support.
When a man leaves a pregnant woman, he is not just walking away from a relationship, he is abandoning his unborn child and placing an unfair burden on the mother.
Morning sickness, body changes, cravings, and hormonal shifts are already difficult to manage. Add financial stress, doctor’s visits, and the emotional toll of feeling abandoned, and the situation becomes even more overwhelming.
Many single mothers find themselves struggling to balance work, healthcare costs, and mental well-being. Some experience depression, anxiety, and even complications in pregnancy due to the stress of carrying the weight alone. Society often blames women for “choosing the wrong partner,” yet it fails to hold men accountable for neglecting their responsibilities.
A personal reflection
I grew up without a father. He passed away when I was just 12 years old. While my mother never remarried, she raised me and my siblings with love, discipline, and dignity. I never remember being introduced to a man as “Uncle So-and-So,” nor did I ever see a man enter our house in a way that confused or destabilised us.
Even with that, I still wished my father was alive. There were moments when I needed his presence, times when I wanted his guidance, his strength, and his assurance that I was on the right path. Now, imagine a child who grows up knowing that their father is alive but simply chooses to abandon them.
The pain, the questions, and the sense of rejection that such a child carries cannot be overstated.
Men must reflect
Would you ever want your daughter to be in a relationship with a man like you? Would you be comfortable if your own sister was abandoned the way you abandoned your child’s mother? If the answer is no, then it’s time to rethink your actions.
The decay of responsible manhood
There is a growing societal decay of men in our communities.
Many spend more time in bars than taking responsibility for raising their children.
The sad reality is that most children are raised by their mothers while their fathers are out impressing the world.
Even worse, some men abandon their biological children yet willingly take on the responsibility of raising their girlfriend’s kids.
Meanwhile, their flesh and blood go to school hungry, and deprived of love, care, and basic necessities.
Some men do not even care whether their children have eaten, how they are performing in school, or whether they are safe. Instead, they prioritise social status, temporary pleasures, and materialism over their children’s well-being.
The cycle of desperation
When a woman is left alone to raise a child, life becomes a battle for survival. In the process, some women begin to date different men in pursuit of someone who will help provide for their child. With every new relationship, a man is introduced to the child as “Uncle So-and-So.”
Now imagine a child growing up and seeing different “uncles” coming and going. The impact on their mental well-being is severe. Some women, out of desperation, date three or four men in a single year, hoping to find a responsible father figure for their child.
While the absent father is out there spending money on other women just for temporary pleasure, his child is witnessing a revolving door of men in their mother’s life. What kind of example does this set? What stability does this offer a child?
The impact on the girl child
The absence of a father has devastating consequences, particularly for girls. A girl who grows up without a father’s love often struggles with self-worth and emotional security.
As she matures, she longs for affection something she never received at home. In an attempt to fill this void, many young girls end up in relationships with older men, some of whom take advantage of their vulnerability.
In the worst cases, these men expose them to abuse, manipulation, and even deadly diseases. What begins as a search for love and validation turns into a cycle of pain, and the scars of fatherlessness continue into adulthood.
The prodigal returning fathers
As these children grow, they experience the pain of an absent father firsthand. The sad part is that some men only return after many years, when the child is about to enter university or has finally built a future for themselves. Like the prodigal son in the Bible, they return, but unlike the biblical story, these are prodigal fathers.
They suddenly want to bond with their 18 or 20-year-old child, not because they feel genuine remorse, but because they now see value in the child’s potential. Some men stay in hiding until the child starts working, then come back claiming, “I am your father, please forgive me.”
But when the child refuses to acknowledge them, they blame the mother, saying she has “poisoned” the ch
What they fail to realise is that this young adult has grown up observing everything—feeling the pain of abandonment, watching their mother struggle, and learning to live without a father’s presence. The mother does not need to say a word; the father’s absence was loud enough.
Manhood is action
If we want to build a loving and stabl e society, men must have serious conversations about fatherhood and responsibility. It takes two adults to create a child, whether planned or unplanned. Running away from responsibility and leaving the woman to go through it alone is cowardly.
If a man has doubts about paternity, he has every right to demand a DNA test. But using uncertainty as an excuse to abandon a child is unacceptable. If you were bold enough to drop your pants when planting the seed, then be man enough to pull them up and take responsibility.
Should We Just Accept That ‘It Is What It Is’?
Some might say, “Unfortunately, it is what it is,” but that is not an excuse to continue the cycle of absent fatherhood.
Every man has a responsibility to his children.
If a man can afford to spend money on drinking, women, and entertainment, he can certainly afford a DNA test before deciding to abandon his child.
Breaking the cycle
The issue of fathers abandoning their responsibilities isn’t just personal—it’s a societal crisis. We need to rebuild responsible manhood by:
Holding men accountable – Fatherhood is a lifelong duty, not a temporary choice. Society must demand that men take responsibility for their children.
Strengthening legal frameworks – Laws must ensure that men contribute financially and emotionally to their children’s upbringing.
Building support systems for single mothers – Counseling, financial aid, and community programes can help women who are left to raise children alone.
Teaching young boys the value of responsible fatherhood – Schools, churches, and families must instill values of responsibility, respect, and love for family.
A call to responsible fatherhood
Fatherhood is not just about biological connection—it’s about being present, offering love, and providing guidance.
A real man does not walk away from his responsibilities.
Instead, he stands by the mother of his child, ensuring that she does not have to face pregnancy and parenthood alone.
To those who have abandoned their children: It’s never too late to do the right thing. Step up, be present, and be the father your child deserves.
The true measure of a man is not in how much he can impress the world but in how well he raises his children.
We Learn Everyday.
Each One Must Teach One.
*Gift Mwanamwali Prooph Munyanya is a concerned citizen.