Evolutionary psychology attributes that we are driven by the need to ensure that our bloodlines and kin are preserved. The culture in which we grew up also stresses the need to live in harmony as a family.
The “blood is thicker than water” analogy is a saying that is often used as a reminder, chastisement or positive statement. It has been widely debated, and its meaning ranges from biblical writings to some other non-reputable sources. Its general meaning is that genetic familial bonds are more important than any other.
“Blood is thicker than water”, however, surpassed the test of time. There are a lot of variables that now disapprove of the old saying. Family is viewed as a built-in safety net; a place to turn to when the rest of the world turns us down. However, there are some families that share nothing more than DNA. There are relatives who abuse others, turn a blind eye to their bloodline struggles, and whose values and choices are toxic to others’ wellbeing.
We also have people whose relations are simply not cemented by blood, yet they endure a lifetime. This is the “water” that is willing to help, love or give. This develops a very high level of brotherhood and comradery. Supporting that, except in a literal fluid sense, means water runs freely.
The idea of “blood is thicker than water” is, therefore, not a law of physics in which outcomes of the family are determined. It is descriptive, and not prescriptive. It is an observation and experience in which some believe it, and others do not. This might also be affected by members of the group proximity. Some families live far away from others, and have started to form strong supportive friendships elsewhere.
The premise of this piece is to encourage a level of awareness in terms of the differences in relationships between relatives and friends, based on the fact that there is a choice. Among those relationships, are expectations too.
The expression can be harmful. Society should, therefore, learn to get the best of both worlds – the genetic connection and the emotional connection. It should consider the psychological and social needs as an approach to build confidence in families. The genetic bond is deep and powerful. The next generation needs their aunts and uncles, they need to know where they came from.
While doing so, we should also not overlook the experiences of people who have to create their own families to survive because those who are blood-related have abandoned or ostracised them. We should also not brush the toxicity aside and live in poison.
* Saara Meke Amakali is an industrial psychology and sociology graduate. Email her at saaraamakali@gmail.com