Leaving a relationship is not as easy as it may sound because there are a lot of emotions, investments and memories associated with the relationship but staying on is denying oneself peace. Pernicious relationships make one feel undervalued, misunderstood, demeaned and even abused. It is one that consistently steals someone’s joy and follows him/her around with that undeniable clamor that this is not how it’s meant to be.
Many women are losing their lives due to troubled relationships which result in elevated blood pressure, high cholesterol, abdominal obesity, and elevated blood sugar, all ingredients of heart attack or diabetes.
On the other hand, many men are suffering from depressive conditions. Therefore, low-quality marriages or relationships have significant negative effects on overall well-being in the long term. Unhealthy relationships may contribute to a malignant social environment that can lead to stress, depression, anxiety, and even suicide.
Societal shame
Many couples are staying in unhappy relationships in the name of societal shame while their health is being affected. The individual may feel that he or she will not be socially accepted without a partner among close common friends or even family members.
Also, the notion that marriage is a status in society is putting many spouses’ health and well being at risk. These couples keep tormenting each other just to please the outside world while they hardly talk when alone.
Further, observation shows that there are people who stay in relationships because they’re worried they won’t find another partner, while others remain because they don’t want to deprive their children of having the other parent in their day-to-day lives.
Although some people are very unhappy or even distressed in a relationship, they feel concerned about the potential drawbacks of leaving the relationship. For example, they may feel worried about having to move or support themselves.
They may question whether they have the emotional energy to get through a stressful break-up with the person. This is one of the reasons why a partner will continue the abuse because he/she is fully aware that his/ her partner doesn’t have the resolve to leave the relationship.
Many couples these days pretend to the outside world as if everything is rosy by attending church or functions together while they are at war with each other. Some see their homes like hell as they hardly spent time there or most of the time they are involved in other activities (e.g. church) and only come there to sleep.
Who remains in a toxic relationship?
More women subject themselves to distressful relationships, as they seem to nurture relationships more than men do and attach significance to the emotions within relationships more than men do. For many women, financial security, children, friends, lifestyle, and standing in the community are some of the biggest considerations that factor in when deciding whether to stay in an unhappy marriage or divorce.
As a result, a significantly large number of women stay in marriages that are injurious and even border on decay. Once a partner believes that their partner is dependent on the relationship, he or she will less likely initiate a breakup and will continue the abuse because he/she knows their partner’s weakness. Men, on the other hand, will remain in a relationship once they realise that their partner doesn’t have the grit to move on, and when they know there is something they benefit from the particular partner using manipulative tactics.
If spouses in an unhappy relationship were to do a cost-benefit analysis of their relationship, they would probably come into a deficit. Many partners are holding on hoping things will one day change, subjecting themselves to further torture as the other partner keeps on drifting away.
Fallacy
Let us denounce the fallacy in society that if one leaves his/her relationship, then it means they failed or is not good enough but rather stay on and fight for their man or woman. Pleasing others at the expense of your own happiness equals torture.
As much as relationships or marriages are a commitment, for good and bad times, for better or for worse, it should not be a life sentence for being miserable but something that should be cherished by both partners. Being self-focused and remaining in a relationship because of the time, resources, and emotions one has invested in it or because one doesn’t have good alternatives is not good a reason to sacrifice your well-being. Acting as a security guard in the name of the other partner who provides financial support, a house, or a car while burning inside exacerbates the situation.
Therefore, if things are not working out in your relationship or marriage, save yourself before it kills you. Remember that you cannot control another person’s decisions or actions and that trying to do so will likely backfire. Divorce is not a failure but failure is staying in an unhappy relationship. Stay with a partner who is good for you, someone who makes your life emotionally fulfilling, not someone who is good for your parents, image, or bank account.