The problem with men is that they just want to have conversations that would benefit them. Conversations that they would have to laugh about, because it grows their circle with benefits. Being comfortable with calling a woman a slut and not having consequences is exactly what we are trying to not normalise, yet when we are claiming what you use to degrade us, you want us to have a conversation on economic growth? Desensitising the perpetrators is the aim. Now, while the ones that get away with these crimes are in the boardrooms, the ones that breed off these non-existent consequences are out in the shebeens and brewers. Men are at the drinking places, where they have conversations on how a certain politician’s son got away with harassing and raping a woman. And because these are the settings where men are comfortable, they are spreading conversations that they carry forth until they too commit these crimes, because there are no consequences. So, we are definitely going to dismantle these places. You don’t want us to go have these conversations in brewers, because that is exactly the place where you feel safe to do your vile acts.
Having dialogues in these spaces is not about you as a man either. Some of these victims got violated in these exact spaces and this is their way of reclaiming back their power, because these spaces are triggering. Women are using this platform to reclaim their power back and this is necessary.
Undoing years of conditioning was “too hard to do as an individual”. “You actually need a movement to challenge these structures. But at the same time, it’s not really placing the blame where the blame should be. In order for men to stop raping and harassing women, men need to do that”. And that’s just it - society should hold men accountable and end the cycle of raising girls one way and boys another. As such, the one thing you as a man can do is acknowledge your privilege and make a continuous effort to unlearn and do better. By doing better, you need to create safe spaces for women by fighting for their safety and freedom. Constantly questioning the methods in which women choose to advocate for their safety and freedom means that men want to silence women into being liberated, because it benefits men. Understanding that you are not the oppressed will help you have discussions around matters that men use to perpetuate patriarchy and slut-shaming women.
• Frieda Mukufa’s lifestyle section concentrates on women-related issues and parenting every Friday in the New Era newspaper. She also specialises in editing research proposals, proofreading as well as content creation.
etuholefrieda@gmail.com