John Ekongo
After numerous attempts to gain tenders from the comrades, I am proud again to state that my consultancy DUMB solution has eventually gotten back on track again and business is good. Business was interrupted a bit by some colleagues from the UK, who did not take lightly to the work of the consultancy, but I have since apologised.
It was a very difficult time for the consultancy and my staff threatened to take me to court. Well, they succeeded but the problem was that the name DUMB solution could not be found anywhere in the Registrar of Companies. So the case was thrown out. Anyway, I am happy to be back again.
The latest task handed to us was to compile a list of most used proper Namlish expression and as usual, we obliged most graciously. Below is an abridged list of expressions that are authentically Namlish and inspiration was drawn from our daily interactions with the Namibian society.
A detailed list is available for viewing at our main premises: Kondjeni Bottle Store opposite the Katutura Single Quarters.
The most common expression for security guards and police officers in Namlish is, “Hey you watch out you, must take care of yourself”. This means, you must behave yourselves. As you can see this is a direct translation from Oshiwambo “Iihumbata nawa”.
A police officer or traffic officer at a roadblock when informing you to proceed in Namlish would say: “Sir you must pass away.”
Whenever you want somebody to call you on your cellphone, in Namlish you say, “You must give me a line on my MTC.”
“Did you hear me?” this means do you understand. It was always said with authority by the Afrikaans speaking community “Hoor jy my” just say Yes even if you did not understand; the fact is that you have heard him say something is enough anyway.
In Namlish, we don’t have abbreviations, for example, asap (as soon as possible), we simply say “Hawala get here asap.” If you are complimenting someone, for example, her hair you say, “your hairs are many or she is having many long hairs”.
We have a special way of dealing with insignificant people and probable problem makers. In Namlish you just refer to him as “that small boy” borrowed from the word kamatjona. If you are making a reference to identical twins in Namlish you say: “you look like you are one person.”
If you have an eye for someone, you don’t waste time asking her out for dinner and all the long stories, you simply just say I love you, and yes, it is taken from Oshiwambo Ondi ku hole. She will pick up the rest, don’t worry about being rejected, chances are slim that that will be the case.
If you are thirsty and need a drink, never ask for a beer. Instead say I want a Windhoek. Trust me, you won’t get the city, you will get something much better.
In meetings if you don’t agree with your boss, don’t use a sentence like “Sir, with all due respect, I beg to differ”. Instead, just say that it is “rubbish”. What you actually meant to say is that “Sir, you are not making sense and yes I believe you are talking nonsense”. This expression is highly diplomatic and reserved only for experts in Namlish. Otherwise, face the consequences on your own.
During court proceedings, don’t title the presiding officer. Just call him by his first name, “Yes Kanime, I said I am not guilty.” This we do because we have an over-elaborated usage of titles, which we hardly have use for really. It is all the influence of Cambridge.
The only recognised title and officially by law is the Founding Father of the Namibian Nation, refusal to say this can lead to prosecution.
Here in Namlish we don’t have liquor stores, we only have bottle stores, which does not sell empty recycling bottles – it sells alcohol in bottles. DUMB solution suggests we change the name to alcohol store.
Anyway, if you have not noticed, Namlish is spoken with passion, feel and zeal, usually when making a statement you express gestures, but with Namlish it is an outright necessity. In that manner you convey the message seriously and with firm authority.
For example, greeting in Namlish we would say probably “Yes morning colleague, how are you?” and probably the reply will be “Good, good”, or “the struggle is continuing” or “we are together comrade”. Looking nicely at it, there is nothing wrong with that, because they are colleagues in the first place, the morning is good, just like one says good morning. Only difference – ours is twice as good, no wonder we are the friendliest people this side of the continent.
Note: a complete list of many other expressions can be found at our offices in the Single Quarters, in exchange for N$150 worth of electricity units, as I told you this was a difficult time for me. Alternatively, a donation of Bells Scotch Whiskey will be accepted on a limited scale.
By order, management DUMB Solutions.
Sorry Ngo!