MOTJAVI The World Cup is in full swing and we are picking up weight in front of the telly like it’s nobody’s business. I want you people stop complaining about Ronaldo ‘The fat one’. The guy basically only played his first game! He should come better around the second game. He was just a bit hungry for a hot dog on Tuesday night! Okay people, I am sick and tired about complaining about this every year! You see, when Mother’s Day comes around everybody jumps up and down to ‘serve and protect’. Maar nee, when Father’s day comes nobody gives a damn how we feel … irrespective of the fact that .. uh ..well .. you know…well uh that we haven’t paid support money for seven years! Yes, I know what you women are telling the children at home … “Jou pa het nooit vir jou gesorg nie … he is nothing but a loser! He has mos children with that other slut living down the street … so let him be father to those children, not you … you are my child!” Okay, ek vra net mooi tog asseblief … act like we are good fathers this weekend and allow us to see our kids! I am not so sure what gifts you have set yourself out to buy for your hubby but let it be nice. I asked a woman yesterday whether she would be buying her husband something for Father’s Day and she said: “Etse Neville, he is mos not my father … he is his children’s father. So I suggest he gives money to his children so that they could buy him a present for Father’s Day, I have an Edgars account that is already in arrears! So I suggest that he consult his children before Sunday if he would like to have a bottle of Jack Daniels for Father’s Day!” Well uh … I am just thinking that since we are on the topic, here are a few gifts that you could buy your husband on behalf of the children: Buy him a second cellphone through which he can speak to his kamborroto (whom you know of), but you can keep on acting you don’t know about his little mistress! Buy him a bottle of good Scotch Whisky, by the time he’s drunk, he will be talking about issues in the house that he never talks about when he is sober! A Brazilian soccer shirt, let’s face it okay … the cup should stay in Brazil if it does not come to Africa for the first time via Portugal … aai sorry I mean Angola! Playstation, you know they always say that ‘the only difference between a man and a boy is the price of their toys’. Through that, the kids can finally have the Playstation that he keeps on promising them. Nelson Mandela’s autobiography called “Long Walk to Freedom”. After reading that he will finally realize how long in fact he has to stay married to you! Eminem’s latest CD – after listening to what this white rapper says about women, he would finally respect you for the woman that you are. Old Spice aftershave – the name says it all! Where you will find this old school Cologne I am not so sure, but find it! That would really take him back to the 80’s when he was just a broke-ass student looking for money to take you out with! So please, just be nice to us for Sunday, even though we don’t always deserve it. Happy Fathers Day gents! Mbye mbye!