Motjavi Hope most of you are well rested. I am certainly not! If Jesus died on a Friday it is just fair that he spoke to his Father in heaven and asked him if it was okay to go to heaven on a Friday, not on a Thursday! If he went to heaven this morning we would have had a holiday today! Nevertheless, hope all of you had a blessed ascension/Africa day. Well uh, I had the opportunity on Saturday night to go and watch the Miss Namibia beauty pageant. You know, I actually felt quite at home sitting between all those women, felt very much like I was sitting on the “Oprah Winfrey show”. It was nice to page through the booklet with all the past winners. I just could not believe my eyes to see that the first Miss Namibia or is it now Miss South West Africa, was in fact a black woman – Bernice Tembo. Okay, there was no way the judges could have been “Marietjies, Anne-maries” from Gobabis. They must have imported those judges from Bujumbura! The winner was quite good looking; I wonder where she is now anyway. I was sitting there quite impressed with how the 10 finalists looked. I was quite impressed with the whole set-up of the production until the show started! Trust me, I was very impressed and proud to have Barbara Kahatjipara doing the function that night, but I still fail to understand why South Africans must be brought into our country in order to “add value” to our productions. Yes, I know some of you Coloured girls reading this would say that I am “playa-hating” (jealous) on Sami! But trust me, it’s in fact the opposite. Sami is a very good MC and there are probably some English words I can learn from him, but do you honestly want to tell me that there are no Namibians out here who can speak English with a British accent? There are only three people in this country that could never be allowed to do Miss Namibia – myself, Lazarus and Comrade Sam Nujoma. Why? Because we will put the script down and speak off the cuff! And the entertainment that night! How the hell they going to bring Gift in? He came here doing songs of George Michael, and Usher – does that Mbongoro not have his own songs yet? Do you really want to tell me that the show was too high profile for The Dogg? “Baby don’t go” would have been a hit with the crowd! There are also some rules that Ousie Maritz must introduce for next year’s Miss Namibia. Look at some of the criteria below and tell me if you agree: All contestants must please declare if they have any Kimbundu boyfriends from Luanda looking for permanent residence. If they have, disqualify them because they might be married to them secretly in Otavi. Please ban human hair with immediate effect as from next year. With all the human hair that our black women are wearing on stage I am not so sure who we are actually voting for, racehorses? If a contestant answers any question by starting her sentence with: “Well, uh, I would like to help the homeless children from Greenwell Ma-tongo,” disqualify her, we won’t fall for that one again! Please ask all of them to put up their parents’ houses in Katutura as collateral in case they get disqualified. Through that Oompie Pupkewitz can get his money back just in case he asks for it. Mbye mbye!