THERE’S a petition going around somewhere that the Telemundo channel should be removed from the DStv bouquet, kuma because it’s destroying relationships and harmony at home. I won’t say who said it or where the plot was devised, but be on your toes.
Because of Telemundo, the wives are apparently burning the dinner at home, children stay filthy and dirt in the house is swept under the bed so that Madam Boss can hurriedly go back to the sofa. When tate comes home, there’s no more hugs and kisses and asking how his day was. It’s just a fast “your food is in the fridge, just warm it up in the microwave.” If tate talks about how the day went and how congested the roads were or even when he says, “etsê I almost died kao.” The reply is: “Okay that’s good.”
Namibian men have kastig never experienced such a cold front coming from their lovie-dovies since the arrival of that ‘imbecile’ Spanish ‘soapie’ channel. Husbands are apparently even wondering whether the memes are really captivated by the storyline in the film or it’s the six-packed muchachos in the film that have them shamelessly fixated to the television screens. I can understand the frustration of the tates, but they shouldn’t have been so arrogant to come up with tonnes of rules on what we should not do when it’s soccer (football) season? Need we remind them that the yard looked like the Kupferberg dumping site during the whole season, the leaking toilet pot went unfixed giving the house a Brakwater aroma? And when asked when they would fix it, the response was: “There’s the telephone directory. Find a plumber.” Our sweating in the gym went unnoticed – even our new Victoria Secret lingerie that made us look like Naomi Campbell. But now that we have found something that also pumps our adrenalin, it must go! Mxxm… it is now time we get up, stand up and fight for our rights, ladies (and gentlemen). We are here to finally express our feelings on the subject matter:
Rule Number 1: Don’t ever try to understand why we love soapies, just as we don’t understand how you get befok and at the same excited over a ball being chased back and forth by adult men, until someone kicks it into a big net. We don’t even understand why this game has become the most popular sport on earth.
Rule Number 2: Please wait for a commercial before you ask us where you put your socks or your toothpaste. In any case, how must we know where things mysteriously vanish if we have never been witchdoctors in our lives or have never been fortune-tellers to predict the future?
Rule Number 3: Don’t try to impress us by pretending you are also enjoying the show and then come up with the most ridiculous things to say, like: “Eish, this dude is weak. What is he crying for?” We love sensitive men too, tjii. Just shush up and enjoy the show.
Rule Number 4: If you catch a cold because of staying up late with the boys, without wearing a jersey because you are so tough, then stay in bed. Don’t come crawl up next to me acting like a little baby that needs to be cuddled and nurtured. If we knew we were gonna end up nursing and nurturing grown men, we would have studied nursing or pediatrics. We didn’t!
Rule Number 5: If there’s no food at home, please go to the supermarket and get the milk, sugar, bread and tamatie sous. Take those two bambinos with you so that they can go and scream in your ears over everything in the store. Don’t expect us to come along because the soapie is just about to reach its climax. We don’t know when it will end because we can’t predict the weather either. I hope this will make you to understand why we love Telemundo and why your attempts to have it go kaboom will never work! Sorry Ngo!
mnunuhe@gmail.com