Today, I am tackling a matter geared towards primarily Christians, especially as 90% of the population profess Christianity. A number of stories throughout the Bible make us uncomfortable, like the one in 2 Samuel 13: 1-14. They are not nice, neat, family-friendly stories that can be turned into a Veggie Tale Movie. These stories remind us of the evils in our world. Most times, either we skip over them, ignoring the uncomfortable nature of what we read or we wonder why the story is in the Bible. I believe we do this because we often go to the Bible for comfort, a word of peace, or a word of encouragement. We don’t like that these stories are in our bibles. Yet these stories, often referred to as terror texts, are part of the biblical witness, and they should not be ignored. There is no positive spin on this story, but God’s Word comes in the form of a challenge to change our own communities or, possibly, to help us grow in compassion.
In Tamar’s story we find a rape which combines elements of incest and domestic violence. This is a conspiracy of men aiding and abetting the perpetrator of the crime and a male conspiracy of the crime and a male conspiracy of silence after the act. Finally, there is a raw form of retribution in the end but this brutal act of revenge is done quite apart from the victim. All power to act or even to speak is taken away from Tamar. In the end, the father to all three of the principle characters in this drama as well as all his servants are seen to mourn by wailing and weeping ‘very bitterly’ day after day, not for the victim, but for the rapist and the rapist’s brother.
There is so much wrong in this story, so much evil and deceitfulness. Religion Professor Lynn Japinga responds to the story with this comment: “This text offers insight into a tragic aspect of the human condition. People hurt each other. Even people who are intimately connected by family bonds can misuse their power and sexuality to hurt others. The story is a powerful reminder that abuse can happen in a church-going family, an influential family”.
Tamar is someone whose story is still very modern: Tamar was sexually assaulted, not by a stranger, but by someone she knew. The violation took place not in a desolate remote place at the hands of a stranger, but by a member of her own family in his home. Tamar was exploited through one of her most vulnerable traits – her kindness, her culturally instilled obedience and her upbringing to take care of the other. Tamar said ‘NO’ and her ‘NO’ was not respected. When Tamar sought help she was told to hush it up. The process for achieving justice and restitution was taken out of her hands entirely and carried forward by her brother. No other women are even recorded in this story as having a voice or a role in coming to Tamar’s aid. It became men’s business, and in the end, it was Tamar’s perpetrator for whom her father mourned not for her.
She’s speaking to us today. What do we do with this story? How do we change the narrative? We cannot change it for Tamar, but we could change it for others. Just like Tamar, a victim’s life is changed forever once they are raped or abused. Healing is not as simple as forgiving and forgetting. PTSD, anxiety, drugs and alcohol abuse, depression, and suicide are a reality for victims. Victims cannot just “suck it up”. Pastor J. Alfred Smith, Sr. frames the call to action in this way: “Who will pray with Tamar and stand by her side as she screams for justice? Do you remember that Tamar is your daughter, your granddaughter, your sister, your niece, blood of your blood and bone of your bone?” We may think we are better than the culture reflected in the Old Testament, but are we? Victims of rape and abuse are still shamed. Victims carry around the feelings and thoughts that they are to blame for what happened to them. Victims have to navigate how they will tell family, friends, spouses, and children. And, too often, the perpetrators and the attackers experience no repercussions, and systems, families, and institutions remain silent.
The first step is to engage in changing our culture. The SADC Protocol on Gender and Development defined Gender Based Violence as “all acts perpetrated against women, men, girls and boys on the basis of their sex which cause or could cause them physical, sexual, psychological, emotional or economic harm, including to threat to take such acts or to undertake the imposition of arbitrary restrictions on or deprivation of fundamental freedoms in private or in public life, in peace time and during situations of armed or other forms of conflict.”
Global GBV is recognised as one of the worst forms of human rights violation. It is estimated that 1 in 3 women have experienced GBV while 1 in 4 have experienced IPV in their lifetime. The causes of GBV are complex and deeply rooted in patriarchal system and negative cultural practices that tend to discriminate against women and girls, relegating them to the domestic sphere while men and boys are socialised to participate in public life. We have to do better. We have to speak out against any talk or action that normalise rape and abuse. We cannot be like Jonadab, the crafty cousin and friend, encouraging Amnon to pursue his misdirected desires. We cannot be like David, who kept silent and did not set the best example. In light of poor guidance, it is no surprise that Amnon did what he did. That doesn’t condone his actions, for there is no excuse for abuse or rape, but what we know is that some abusers and rapists sexual abused themselves or witnessed it in their families. Sons follow the examples of their father and other male influences. We have to speak up when needed, run interference when necessary, and advocate for those who cannot speak.
As part of the change in culture has to be holding perpetrators accountable for their actions. We have to stop making excuses for inappropriate behaviour. Just within the past month, the public has become aware of the breadth and depth of abuse cover-ups within churches. The problem exists in many institutions, in many families, and in many communities across the globe. The problem doesn’t just involve males, but all too often is men in positions of power and influence that try to cover things up, men who get drunk with power and think they can do whatever they want, just like David and just like Amnon.
This might be the pertinent time to ask that question: What would Jesus do? I think the first thing would be to extend compassionate care and appropriate love to anyone who has gone through the trauma of rape or abuse. Jesus would be right there with them, supporting them, listening to them. Then, I think Jesus would challenge the system. Jesus would call out injustice and oppression. Jesus would remind us, His followers, that we are called to something better.
Some view the church as a sleeping bulldog or as what the youth called “a sinking titanic”.
There is need to attend to this feeling to ensure the church leave no one behind.
Therefore, what can the church do to break the silence against gender-based violence?