Ndafetwa N. Haimbodi
Even when there are no longer forced marriages, married people, especially women, continue to suffer. Marriage is still not as sweet as it is supposed to be. There is still no genuine love but lust, greed and fake promises all over.
Growing up in a small village in northern Namibia, I have seen and I’m still seeing women suffering the consequences of marriage. Women are still at the receiving end of men’s fists in the name of ‘through thick and thin’. Most married women have unhappiness written all over their faces because they are stuck in bitter marriages in the name of kids and so on. I highly believe that marriage is not supposed to be bitter; couples are not supposed to fight all day, but rather to love and take care of each other.
Dear women: What I’m seeing in society is not what it is. Marriage does not have to be such a struggle. Before you accept a man’s hand in marriage, please ask yourself this: how will you survive in there if the relationship is already not working out? Watch your boyfriend or fiancé’s temper during courtship; that’s who they really are, and they will hardly change. What they show you during that time is often, if not always, a reflection of how they will treat you in marriage. Have you ever thought that the pain of marrying the wrong person is worse than your impatience of not getting married? Anyway, when you then marry wrong, you have the power to walk away and cut off that toxic, abusive “supposed husband”. Remember: “He who had once hit a woman had forever killed a man in himself”.
I believe it’s best not to entirely visualise a future with someone because that is where toxicity tolerance comes in. Live in the moment, and if that leads to a happy marriage, take it!
And when it no longer serves, let go! Forever is too long to be unhappy. Also, there is more to life than rushing your trip to the altar.
“Happily ever after” is something most women long for, but there are times when the truth kicks in, and they have to accept it, no matter how bitter it is. There shouldn’t be priority conflict between a married couple, which oftentimes begins in courtship. The difference is priorities actually create a dent in marriage, which then contributes to ‘wet pillows’ all night.
On that note, women must not get in men’s lives just to sustain their financial lives. Yes, one may target a man who can provide financially, but do keep in mind that finance is one of the many things in that consideration list, and women are by nature more connected to emotions. This is to say, you will eventually find a man that you feel – romantically and financially – while you have already given in for the pocket only.
* Ndafetwa N. Haimbodi blogs in her free time. Her blog: http://ndinelaohaimbodihome.wordpress.com
She can be reached on her email..ndinelaohaimbodi09@gmail.com