Magreth Nunuhe
Eto, we have almost cut the year in half and I have done fokkol towards achieving any of the resolutions I set for the year 2014. First on my priority list was to go to the gym at least three times a week to lose some handvatsels, but Karunga kange, I can only wince in horror when seeing the digits going up and up on that fateful weighing scale. And to add insult to injury, a health spot check declared me kamma overweight. Diri me of all people? I could eat up a horse without putting on an ounce.
But you can’t blame me for trying. I tried to fast at work from the morning till chaila time for three months, only to realise late that I should have declared Herero Mall and Single Quarters’ kapana no-go areas. I also tried to become a vegetarian for a week, but atatata, I want to warn you that whatever you want to become in your next life, don’t wish to be a goat.
I also swore to get out of debt this year so that I could buy that Range Rover I have been eyeing for quite some time now. Lo and behold, here comes the Zimbo ‘I am selling ladies’ and the As-Salamu Alaykum brothers with their nice goodies to draw me deeper into the hole. Someone told me that they actually go and buy the goodies at China Town and put their own mark up. By the time I was also warned about the cockroach killers who apparently operate like computer hackers, it was too late. I don’t know whether it’s true and I don’t want to intentionally kill their business, but I have heard that there is a cockroach harvest factory somewhere in Windhoek. These cockroach specialists apparently carry their harvest in the bags just to come add to the ones you already have, so that you can call them back again to spray your house over and over.
I am sure you also have your share of skandes on New Year resolutions you made that didn’t materialise until this far, so I am not alone. Some of you swore not to syp again – ever. Looking at some of you now, I can only say sjoe, the tonnes of 061s litres in your kapundas would have sunk the Titanic faster. But what were you to expect when you made the resolutions while you were high on omeya ja mururu?
Some of you also swore to become exemplary citizens and to join the humanitarian race, but you soon forgot that when someone slapped you, you were supposed to give the other cheek. You only took that for two weeks, then knowing you, you are mos no mamparas or malalapyps for someone to step all over you like that.
But not all is lost, you still have five months left in which you can redeem yourself. Like actually going to church and not putting on your best suit and posting the selfie on Facebook, only to be found at some kambashu near the church nursing your papalaz.
In the next few months, please pretend you don’t see all the nyakati Louis Vuittons and Polo handbags making the rounds. You could save yourself some moola to take a nice trip to Cape Town. Read a book, ignore celebrities and switch off Telemundo for once.
Sorry Ngo!
mnunuhe@newera.com.na