BY Hilma David
Last week we discussed the signs that a potential partner has abusive traits. Well, this week let us talk about getting out of an abusive relationship. I am sure that no one wants to be in an abusive relationship but some people find themselves in one. I also believe that we know the signs of an abusive partner. He or she controls your life too much, they make you scared and stressful, they make offensive comments about you, they physically harm you or physically deprive you basic needs. No matter how hard you try to look at these signs in a different way, they are signs of an abusive relationship and you need to admit it to yourself.
Some people however might wish to get out of an abusive relationship but they are scared of how the other person will react. You can talk to a social worker or the police to find a way for you to walk away safely. Find a safe place away from the abuser and apply for a protection order. Do not underestimate what the abuser is capable of, hence if you have a protection order they can be arrested if they try to come into contact with you.
I feel the need to stress the importance of being in a healthy relationship. As a young person building your life, you need to know and acknowledge your self worth. No matter what social or economic background you come from, you deserve to be treated with love and respect. But that should begin with you. Other people will treat you the same way you treat yourself. Even if you were hurt in the past, it does not mean you have to be a victim your whole life. Being hurt previously does not give you rights to abuse others either. Face your fears, guilt, sadness and get rid of them. Seek counselling and live your best life as a happy person. No matter who you are, someone out there will appreciate you as you are. You are worth a good partner and friends who love you for who you are. No one deserves to be treated badly or suffer, hence be sure to not be a perpetrator or a victim.
Once more, let’s learn to have our eyes open before we enter a relationship to save ourselves the trouble. Listen to other people ‘s advice, their judgements are likely to be more logical because they do not have feeling for that particular person you are interested in. Do not ignore the signs of jealousy, rage or insecurities because with time they will develop into violent actions.
Love and romance are beautiful things. The person you are in a relationship with must bring out the best in you and not make your life a living hell. You should be happy and free around this person. Your relationship should be your support system, not a source of destruction.