By Clemence Tashaya
EENHANA – They are beautiful and successful. They live a lavish life style. They have flashy homes driving fancy cars, hold executive positions in big companies and have an education background so intimidating that some men purposely avoid them like the plague. Their bank balance is the envy of every man.
These are the single independent women, the latest social class in Namibia. As the other women waits for the man to pick all their bills from rent, saloon, air time, the independent woman is withdrawing a seven-figure amount from her account to pay all her bills. The last thing on her mind is a man to depend on. But what is behind this breed of women, who have taken the social scene all over Namibia by storm? “Back in the day, being a single woman meant that nobody wanted you, nowadays, single women are seen as being attractive, sexy and taking their time to decide how they want to live their lives,” says Lydia (not her real name), a 30-year-old FNB Bank Manager here in Eenhana
Lydia recently packed her bags and headed on a holiday to Cape Town, South Africa. Although she admits that it’s not the usual kind of trip that most people take during the Christmas season, she is fascinated by history and intends to visit historic sites in South Africa. “I love history and I have visited historic sites in Uganda, Tanzania and Zambia and now I want to experience South African history,” she says. “Do l need anyone’s permission to do that? No! The thing is, if I had a boyfriend or if I were married, I would have a hard time explaining why I want to go on such a trip. I would have a man complaining about leaving behind and probably the burden of kids. I just want to do what I feel like doing without having to explain myself to anyone and a man for that matter,” she adds
And that is all that matters to her. The last thing she needs is to explain herself to a man. Lydia belongs to the new, growing group of empowered, independent women who don’t believe that a woman must have a man to depend on and to be happy. However, convincing as Lydia’s words might sound, they come from a heartbroken person whose bold statements are a result of the anger of being disappointed by men who, according to her, have failed to grow up and are not trustworthy.
“When I was in Windhoek, I dated a few guys who first came off as gentlemen but slowly, their true colours came out. I once dated a guy when I was 25 and he was a real gentleman, or so I thought. After two dates, I visited him at his place and I was impressed. “He had a good job and was hardworking.”
“After dating for a month, I started to think that he was the one. And then came the bomb! One day he received a call to pick up someone at the airport and we went together. When the guy (his friend) entered the car, he kicked off their conversation by thanking him for taking care of his car and house. I thought I hadn’t heard properly and I enquired which house since he had never mentioned anything about his friend, a house or a car for that matter,” she says
After several explanations, Lydia realised that the house and the car the guy had showed her didn’t belong to him. The embarrassment of having been lied to was too much for her to take it. She got out of the car and cut off all ties with the guy. She says she has since lost trust in guys and she is actually happy being single since she can handle it on her own. The guy was one of the several that have disappointed her. Although Lydia made a decision because she failed to find a stable man, 36 year old Olivia Nepunda says that her decision is based on the fact that she wants to concentrate on her career.
Olivia Simasiku, an accountant came from the Zambezi region two years ago to work for Red Cross here. That meant that she was leaving behind her boyfriend who was fairly successful and ready to marry her. “He was my fiancé, we were engaged to get married but when I got the chance to work with Red Cross, I couldn’t let it go. I had always wanted to work with an international organisation like Red Cross,” says Simasiku. “However, when I broke the news to my fiancé, all he said was ‘you either choose me or your new job’ and I was shocked. I told him the least he could do was support me, but I followed my heart and left him,” she adds
Simasikuwas happy about the new opportunity and she was determined to follow her dream. “Society has changed and it no longer looks down on single women. However, I think it is because I was brought up by my grandmother and she was single. My parents died when I was young and my grandmother raised me. She always told me that I didn’t have to be defined by a man. She was hard working and she taught me a great deal about work,” says Simasiku. She usually goes out with friends and when she gets back home, she will just sleep without having to check if the husband or boyfriend has a dinner or needs to talk. “I like being around people. I even go out on dates but I always make it a point not to send wrong signals towards a guy. A man would have to understand that he would never be the centre of my life and I don’t think that is something possible,” she adds
For Maria Nelumbu, a middle level manager at Telecom Namibia here, most of the men she has dated are financially below her standards, which would not be a problem but they are always intimidated and feel inferior to her. “I don’t want to justify my spending to any man. I had a boyfriend once who saw a pair of shoes I had bought at N $ 1 500 and he made a fuss about it. It is my money and I should spend it the way I want. Right now, I can spend as much as I want on anything and I don’t have to explain myself to anyone.”
According to Godfrey Natangwe, a phone technician, the so called single independent women are living a lie. “It might be fine now, but what about the future? When age catches up with them, what then? Everyone needs a lifelong partner, someone to grow old with. I think that’s the best part. These women should stop pretending that they don ‘t need a man because the time will come when they want one and are not as attractive as they used to be.”