A few weeks ago, I was sitting with friends and we were talking about women making the first move. They were both shocked that I didn’t believe in the tired notion that women aren’t supposed to make the first move.
When I aired my opinion, my cousin, who by the way is a man, stared at me like I just uttered the biggest insult about him.
As I stood my ground, he continued to tell me that he will not agree to date a woman who made the first move.
According to him, she was too easy and he would simply just sleep with her.
After going back and forth while deliberating the whole issue, I told him that the danger lies in the fact that he has associated women’s liberation with easy sexual access, thus, subjecting them to the usual societal norms of women being sexual objects.
Relationship development is influenced by culture and tradition. It sometimes makes me think that men are often not approached by women because tradition argues that because a man is regarded as the head of any household, he should be the one to make the first move. It is then expected of us that men should approach women first, and while social standards and gender stereotypes are certainly changing, I still have friends who refuse to approach someone they’re interested in.
Asking out someone you like can be nerve-wracking. And if you’ve been socialised as a woman, you might find making that first move especially scary. A lot of us have been taught that it’s unladylike to be the initiator, or that our love interests want the thrill of the chase. Nee chomi, what will he think of me? The problem is, you are afraid of what someone might think of you.
Sure, there may be some people who might have an issue with women being the initiators. But if you’re looking for someone who cares about gender equality, making the first move may be a way to weed out those who don’t believe in it. When this happens, it is usually a great indicator of the kind of mindset this man has. If he is still appalled by a woman asking him out, then chances are that he still has a backward thinking mindset. It’s not always women’s fault that they don’t make the first move –sometimes men actively discourage it, because they feel as though a woman doing ‘their job’ emasculates them. In response, some women don’t approach men because they’re trying to spare the feelings of men who are wedded to traditional ideas about masculinity.
In general, the stigma against women is changing for the benefit of society as the world changes. Making the first move can be daunting, but trust me, it’s worth it. What’s worse is passing up a wonderful opportunity because you were too shy to say hi.