Have you ever been the go-to person for your friends, family, or coworkers? The one who always seems to have the answers, the solutions and the support they need?
Being the go-to person can be a wonderful feeling. It’s a great honour to be the one that people turn to when they need advice, support, guidance, or solutions to their problems. Knowing that you are someone’s life support, just a phone call away, can be incredibly gratifying.
But while being the go-to person can be a source of pride and satisfaction, it’s important to recognise that it can also be a burden. Many of us have been in the shoes of being the go-to person, whether it’s in the family, the workplace, the community, or among friends. And while it’s rewarding to be able to help others, it’s crucial to understand that it can also be overwhelming and stressful.
Take the example of the breadwinner in an African context. This person may have to bear the brunt of the so-called black tax, where family members turn to them whenever there’s a problem or a contribution needs to be made. Over time, this can lead to stress, overwhelm, and even depression. Some people may give up on their dreams and passions because they feel like they have to be the only person that people can call on.
Think about a time when everyone turned to you for help, without stopping to consider whether you might need someone to turn to as well. Perhaps you were left facing your challenges in secret, all the while supporting the people around you. This is a common experience for many of us who are seen as the go-to person.
It’s important to recognise the burden and blessing of being the go-to person, but more importantly, to find the balance to help yourself navigate the challenges. The burden of being the go-to person can be immense. Initially, there may be a sense of happiness that comes from helping others. But over time, the burden can become too heavy to bear. You may feel exhausted, stressed, and on the verge of burnout. You might lose your mental health and wellbeing, and even experience trauma from always being on call.
On the other hand, the blessing of being the go-to person is that you get to be valued and respected by those around you. This can give you a sense of purpose and meaning, and make you feel good about yourself. By helping others, you can make a positive difference in their lives, and this can boost your personal growth and increase your confidence. It can be a win-win situation, but balance is key. When you are the go-to person, it’s important to learn to set boundaries and say no when you cannot handle taking on someone else’s problems. It’s vital to recognise that saying no doesn’t mean you’re being selfish. It’s key to prioritize your own needs and set boundaries. If you’ve exhausted your financial budget for giving, don’t take out a loan just to please others. Learn to delegate tasks when possible and empower others in your circle to also become breadwinners so that the cost can be shared. Making self-care a priority is crucial. Don’t forget that being the go-to person doesn’t mean you have to be available 24/7. By finding a balance between helping others and taking care of yourself, you can make a positive difference in the lives of others while also living a happy and healthy life yourself. Remember that you are not alone, and it’s okay to open up when you need help too. Being the go-to person can be a wonderful thing, but it’s important to find the right balance to ensure that you can continue to help others while also taking care of yourself.
*Lloyd S Sikeba is a Namibian youth leader and professional speaker with a diverse portfolio, including being a TEDx speaker, writer, facilitator/MC, effective coach, boy/men mentor and producer.
– Email: lloyd2977@gmail.com