A girl child has the entire world’s support. I have seen marches in the name of the girl child. I have heard great poetry and speeches defending the girl child. That is great. I stand in support of that!  But the question is? Who is fighting for the boy child?

I will, you will, we will!  

Here is a challenge to break the stigmas around men, and to save them too.

The boy child has been known as the strongest, and trained up to be the head or leader in every situation. Males are physically stronger than females, and while this may be true, it has misled society into believing that males are stronger in all areas of life, including mental and emotional strength. 

This mentality or rather belief has raised bars and set standards on how to train the boy child. 

The question is, are these standards correct? Are these bars raised fairly, or perhaps raised to the maximum, which is causing the downfall of most men?

The boy child is raised as a strong and independent individual, who should master and is expected to rely on himself, while others rely on him because he is the head. Unfortunately, a boy child is disadvantaged emotionally as their emotions are never considered, especially in the black community. We constantly keep dismissing the boy’s feelings. The dismissal of their feelings causes more damage as they grow up. Men are not mentally strong, and cannot handle traumatic experiences since they have mastered to also dismiss their feelings, unlike females. Most females can speak up and receive help. Speaking up for the boy child or men unfortunately is seen as a sign of weakness.

Society has raised men in a very toxic way. We have created an unfriendly environment for our men, where they can only be heard when they are trying to be dominant. From a very young age, they are taught the phrases, “Men do not cry”, and “You are a man”. Dear parents, what do those statements even mean? That a man is not a man when he breaks down? Is he not human?  

In the old days, the upbringing of boys could be right since they were sent to war, and they were the sole protectors and providers for their homes, and above all, they were the only gender that received the privilege of accessing education. However, times have changed. 

The girl child has also been introduced to education, and many females are taking over in all industries, from education, health, communication, accounting and even industries that were classified as fields for men such as engineering and IT. 

Although society, especially parents and guardians think they are raising strong and independent men for the future, unfortunately, statistics all over the world have shown and proven that the standards set are wrong. A wrong mentality indeed!

The only thing we gain from such raising is destroyed and unhappy men. Men tend to keep things to themselves, and find other ways to handle the pressure they find themselves in. Ways that are unfortunately destructive. 

Ways that involve alcohol or drug abuse, becoming violent in their relationships to prove that they are stronger and dominant, and worse, every loved one’s worst fear and nightmare, suicide. Is there a solution? Perhaps, yes. Perhaps treating them as humans with emotions.

The solution to avoid losing our men to alcohol, drugs and suicide is to change our mentality towards their emotional strength. Boys need to be treated well too, and their feelings should never be dismissed. Parents need to be gentler with the boy child, and allow them to be free when it comes to expressing their feelings. 

Instead of “Men do not cry”, we could try “What is hurting you? How may I help you?”

We speak of gender equality! Where is the equality when the boy child is neglected? How many boys go through rape? What has been done? How many men are abused by women? What was done? Nothing. Nothing, because we have become very selfish towards the boy child. Other forms of abuse to them are not recognised. They suffer in silence and alone. 

Perhaps, a revisit to the definition of gender equality? 

Let’s remember to consider the boy child! Let’s remember to allow men to speak up. Let’s BREAK THE STIGMA OF MEN ARE STRONG!

*Julia Kanana is a communications student at the Namibia University of Science and Technology.