How do you deal with conflict within yourself? Most of us have most probably heard of the term interpersonal conflict, however intrapersonal conflict is an issue that is dominantly overlooked and most probably not recognised by some. Conflict, more especially internal conflict can easily derail a person from their path, if not manage effectively. But if it is; growth and change can easily evolve from there.
What is natural or so we are socialised is to form certain principles/values or set of guidelines for our lives, and most likely due to this and many other factors, we struggle within ourselves quiet often. But remember conflict is not always bad, in fact some refer to it as a normal human phenomenon. However, how you deal with conflict within yourself is the determining factor as to how it will deescalate or escalate. Conflict in the sense within ourselves can serve as a motivational factor to drive us to either confront some internal fears, challenge some of the self-limiting beliefs, or equally act as a catalyst for real life changing process or decisions.
I would suggest that you have a tranquil exchange within yourself by answering the following question honestly.
What are some primary causes of conflict within yourself? You might realise that some of the responses can be linked to personal preferences, likes, dislikes, wants, needs, aspirations and often time we apply a moral compass to the self. That is, we question our values and belief system at times, and intrapersonal conflict can arise as this cannot easily be ignored. Most of our value systems are formed from an early age, and we navigate through life telling ourselves what we should and should not do. If a situation presents itself and where ‘should not’ meet with ‘need/want’, like in the case of unhealthy/challenging habits. It can for some be a tricky situation to navigate indeed. We thus attempt various ways to resolve this within ourselves, while knowing what is best for oneself, if the theory of change is applied accordingly. The reality is that is not always a smooth sail, is coupled with stormy waters and winds that continue to easily derail us, and yes, we can easily get lost and go off-track.
Imagine if you are conflicted due to a major decision you need to make. It can easily spill over into your external environment and relationships with others can be affected. It can thus lead to interpersonal conflict in the sense, whether at relational or occupational level.
When not manage effectively intrapersonal conflict can result in serious difficulties such as; self-identity issues, socio-economic issues, relational challenges, workplace challenges and for some, grave behavioural and emotional challenges that can result in negative consequences (self and others), poor judgment, poor planning and poor decision making.
Dealing with intrapersonal conflict is a personal assignment that needs to be recognised that it exists. Only after realising and processing it can you arrive at listening and understanding yourself. When there is an element of personal or self-awareness, the battle is half-won within too. So it takes us back to the concept of emotional intelligence. Having the ability to recognise conflict within yourself is crucial step towards change and growth:
• Identify what is causing the conflict by naming it.
• Equally important is to name some of the emotions you are experiencing due to the conflict and notice any possible behavioural changes too.
• It is also advisable to come up with solutions/plan or alternative changes to behaviour, but it is important to consider what works for you and can be accommodated by your abilities and coping mechanisms.
• If at all it has escalated, consult a trusted friend, colleague or speak to a professional for guidance or counselling.
• Reward yourself for small achievements and remain cognisant of the fact that you are human.
• Practice self-compassion, yes kindness and care to the self might just be what you need the most.