Thembi Kandanga
Money impacts every relationship we have. Whether it’s within the family, amongst friends or in intimate relationships. You know that awkward dance that happens when the bill is brought to the table? Is it an even split, or are we only paying for what we consumed? Do you lend friends money? How does it work when one partner earns more than the other? Do you take on each other’s debts?
No matter what anyone tells you, money matters in a relationship. So, how can we keep the peace in our relationships while sticking to our savings and investment goals?
Communicate expectations
Having different views on how money should be spent is a common cause of conflict. The first thing to do is observe how your spending differs, and note what is most important. Then, pick the battles that you have the time and emotional capacity to solve. For example, if your partner is an excessive spender but never has money to settle their fair share of expenses, then a conversation needs to be had. Another consideration is if your partner’s spending is getting in the way of achieving shared goals like paying off debts, increasing net worth or investing more.
The best way to have these conversations is to have a money date. Pick one day of the month where you touch base with each other about your finances, and raise any concerns. If you haven’t done so already, a money date is the perfect time to draw up a joint budget that highlights all the shared expenses and savings goals. Take the time to have an honest conversation about your individual priorities so that motives for certain expenditures are clear from the start.
Work together
Just as important as communication, make financial plans together that complement your future individual and shared goals. This is the beauty of a joint budget; it provides for fairness and a shared vision. Everyone must do their part, and must be held accountable when their actions deviate from the shared goals. The joint budget should be more than just a place where you list your shared liabilities, it should contain savings and investment goals. This could be paying off property quicker, savings for annual holidays, or planning to retire early.
Respect Differences & Compromise
A great relationship is about two things: first, appreciating the similarities and second, respecting the differences.
Character traits regarding how we use money can be classified into five money personalities: savers, spenders, shoppers, debtors and investors. It is very likely that you and your partner fall into different groups. While we may not be able to change our money personality, we can acknowledge it and address the financial challenges that it presents. Managing money involves self-awareness.
With business, as with relationships, it is difficult to work towards a vision if it is not shared. So, it is important to know your own and your partner’s ‘hard no’s’ on certain issues. And it’s equally important to know when to compromise.
* Thembi Kandanga is a financial planner and coach. She runs her own financial coaching business (FinWellness Solutions), and creates personal finance content on YouTube, Instagram and Twitter.