I was seated in the back of a taxi, sandwiched by two guys. With my headsets on, they probably thought I couldn’t hear or that I don’t understand Oshiwambo. One was narrating his sex story from the previous night with some girl they both clearly know. In the middle of the story, he says, “Og, mavutu oo ngaho okuna onxwati yina omilungu dakula”. 

This translates that the lady’s vagina has big lips.  Firstly, they are not called lips, they are the labia.  Now, I am sure there is a lady that has felt some type of insecurity because of either the size of her labia or the way it looks.Honey, there is nothing wrong with it.  In fact, there is no standard form of how the labia should look because no girl’s labia are identical to another woman in the world. Like many women, you may struggle with vulva insecurity. The vulva includes the opening of the vagina, the labia majora (outer lips), the labia minora (inner lips), and the clitoris. However, shame, stress or embarrassment around vulva-related topics are often rooted in a lack of proper education, bad experiences with partners or misinformation from mainstream media, in which case it is usually porn. As such, often, a lot of young girls enter their adulthood believing that there’s something wrong with their vulva.  With textbooks and pornography showing a limited variety of so-called ‘perfect’ vulvas, it’s easy to conclude that all vulvas should look a certain way.  But that’s simply not the case. There is no such thing as the perfect vulva.  Just like our fingerprints, our vulvas are unique to us. What is surprising is that most people have only looked at their vulva once or twice, and are often insecure about it. In most cases, this is the number one leading reason why most women prefer having sex with the lights off, or are uncomfortable when their partners want to engage in oral sex with them.  As a result, many of us can’t even label the basic anatomy of our own vulvas, or explain the difference between a vulva and a vagina Educating ourselves on the true diversity of vulvas is the only way we will dismantle the social taboos and shame we feel.

There are a few things to be mindful of, ladies, because of the fact that no two labia look the same, the length may vary greatly, and it is very common for one side to be longer than the other.  It is also important to note that the colour of vulva varies greatly from person to person. It may be pink or more purple, or may be more red or brown. 

You may also find that your vulva is darker than the surrounding skin. This means that the texture of your vulva or labia may be smooth to the touch for the inner labia, but it can also be frilly or wrinkly in texture. The outer labia are fleshier, and have pubic hair. Lastly, your vulva or labia will not smell. It is actually the vagina which smells. It has its own unique scent, which reflects the bacteria that naturally lives in the vagina and keep it clean (by producing normal healthy discharge). The smell is caused by what you eat, the balance of your hormones, the clothes you wear, what you use to wash, and your hygiene.  This smell is completely normal, but if it becomes unusually strong, you should see a doctor.

• Frieda Mukufa’s lifestyle section concentrates on women-related issues and parenting every Friday in the New Era newspaper. She also specialises in editing research proposals, proofreading as well as content creation.

- etuholefrieda@gmail.com