Yes, today, I am choosing violence. Although you often hear this when it comes to women who complain about the men in their lives doing the bare minimum, it can as well be applied to all dating situations. So, if they wanted to, they would.
‘If he wanted to, he would’ reminds us not to chase after someone who isn’t interested in building something with us. It reminds us to leave behind those who aren’t reflecting our own efforts back to us.
Often, when it comes to this point, it’s because the people we are interested in aren’t putting in the same effort. However, one thing to keep in mind is when someone is clearly brushing you off and indicating disinterest, the likelihood is they aren’t interested or maybe, they don’t want to date at all.
However, when people use the above phrase, they’re referring to individuals who at least at some point expressed romantic interest. So, the rejected person is left questioning themselves as to how it is possible he seemed so interested and then ended it.
The answer lies in that internal conflict.
In as much as it may be them and whatever internal conflict they are fighting, it is not rocket science to pick up that they aren’t interested.
Thus, sticking around, wanting to see the better in people, isn’t the answer. It is vital to understand that should someone be interested in you but have things going on in their lives, chances are very high they will let you know where you stand with them.
Also, if you have to question where you stand with someone, chances are you aren’t standing anywhere, chomie, leave.
Another thing to consider when it comes to this phrase is that often, women don’t ask questions. They just assume. Now, don’t get me wrong.
I am not for people who do the bare minimum but I am a 100% sure that if someone is giving you the bare minimum, you aren’t their priority – and chances are they are not interested in you as much as you would like them to be.
So, ask the questions. Ask where whatever situationship you two have is going. Ask what they want from you.
I know people argue that when you ask all these things, you seem desperate; it’s a lie. It is called wanting better for yourself and you deserve the answers that will put you at ease when you go to bed at night.
There’s no use being introduced to all those red flags and you are staying to see how red they can get.
You know you deserve better, so go find better.
• Frieda Mukufa’s lifestyle section concentrates on women-related issues and parenting every Friday in the New Era newspaper. She also specializes in editing research proposals, proofreading as well as content creation.
etuholefrieda@gmail.com