Have you ever jumped head-first onto the milk-white dunes of the Kalahari? Let’s unpack the riddles behind the sun-whitened sand and the white water. Firstly, the bitter watermelons called the tsama grew here because a god was mad at the hoodooed poachers. 

The white-bearded god poured foamy rain over the Kalahari. Secondly, the salty hailstones melted and sipped into the sweet melons until they became sour. Today, the tsama have white stripes. Perhaps the white dwarfed gods played handball by tossing these vinegary melons. 

Another legend claimed that a goddess vomited rain in the form of salty soup. The whiteface goddess was suffering from the Kalahari fever, and puked milk-like vomit. Soon, the sweat-drunken sun bubbled the water, and the salt mixed with the white gold, creating the breathtaking saltpans. Luckily, the wild donkeys and desert horses lick the salt blocks, making the Kalahari a wise farmer, who feeds licks to the black-and-white striped donkeys.

A more striking legend is about the salt lakes. The saltwater came about after a buckskin headscarf queen lost her salt-and-pepper hair baby to a milksop lion. The milk fever queen chased after the devilish lion by hopping on her milk legs. Later, she chewed milkweed, and squeezed milk from her swollen breasts. It was these gallons of breastmilk that flooded the sandy hills. 

Soon, her spraying breastmilk filled up a bottomless sandpit. Up until today, the water is salty. The ‘Thirst Land’ travellers mistook the lake for a freshwater pond, and lost their oxen. Next time, be careful when sipping water in the sweat-drinking Kalahari. These salty rocks should be licked like salt-flavoured lollipops. If you ignore this, you’ll grow four pinkie fingers.

The mind-blowing legend is about the white sand. The white fine soil was triggered by the dry leaves smoking gods, who sparked wildfires.  Desperate to wipe away their footprints, the white feather gods poured rain, and the black and yellow acacias’ ashes and coals hardened into the white sand. Another eye-popping legend claimed it rained whiteflies. After the water had evaporated, the salt from the rain mixed with the white gold, and painted the white sands. Be warned, if you oversleep in the Kalahari, you’ll grow a bushy tail like a white ground squirrel. If you don’t believe these legends, you’ll grow soccer ball-size tsamas inside your cheeks.  Footnote: This is a legend.