Kambangane was driving a blue bonnet Bedford with yellow doors. The miser was returning from an auction where he sold three cows. However, he munched on rotted offal and drank sour milk for padkos. Along the way, the penny pincher’s tummy rumbled, and he removed his foot from the accelerator pedal. 

Soon, a runny stool boiled his khaki pants, and he swerved the lorry next to an umbrella-shaped tree, before parachuting from the truck. By now, his stool watered the thirsty ground, while he whispered swearwords at his half-brother Zakueeua for bewitching him. Strangely, his trousers tangled his legs as he grew tall.

Suddenly, a green snake that had been napping in the tree slithered towards the Bedford. The snake rolled itself around the tyres, while Kambangane stuttered s-t-o-p! Instantly, the green mamba found its way inside the warm engine as Kambangane cupped his head inside his hands. In a blink, he remembered being bitten by a snake in a moving-picture dream. 

Then he took sandy-coloured rocks, threw it at the car, and waited for Zakueeua’s snake to come out. Like a dog, he peed on the tyres, so the spirits can spook the snake to get out of the truck. Later, he tore thorny branches and whipped the bonnet. Afterwards, he strolled around the truck and peeped underneath the bonnet to check for any movement. 

Luckily, a pink car slowed down next to his Bedford, and he smiled, for help was on its way. When the other driver spotted the gap between his missing teeth, he thought everything was fine and sped away. Now Kambangane continued throwing the lorry with rocks and kicking it. Yet, the snake remained hidden somewhere.

By now, the green mamba had slithered onto the dashboard and coiled itself on the passenger’s seat. 

Another red car stopped, and he stuttered while pointing at the snake’s track. “It’s not a real snake, but your black magic,” said the driver, speaking in ongura. The tall driver could see the snake looped like a green belt on the passenger’s seat and left. 

Now, the velvety sun was dipping behind the dunes, and somehow, Kambangane yearned for his wife. He jumped onto the driver’s seat and rattled the engine, praying that the engine would mince the snake. 

Immediately, he parked the Bedford next to his hut and massaged a sponge-soft rope on the passenger’s seat. “You bought me a snake?” Kanairombe quizzed.

Ongura- practical jokes