John Ekongo
THE Christmas party at work is one event that is bound to uplift work spirit prior to venturing into the festive season.
It is a time for colleagues to mingle socially one last time, share jokes and go about being merry and jovial. It is also a moment of reflection – appreciate colleagues you have worked with, ridicule the office bully, the irate clerk and the grumpy boss – all in the name of fun, so the Internet tells me.
Unfortunately, I disagree with what the World Wide Web said. In Namibia it becomes an event of impromptu take-away bags, stealing (or taking what is already paid for) and round after round of filled plates indiscriminately being dished out.
In order for you not to worry that your party might become the party from hell, where everyone takes whatever wherever, we advise you to take note:
Handbags – if on the day of your year-end function ladies suddenly find a penchant and love for extremely oversized handbags, please postpone the party. Issue a memo stating “no handbags allowed” for security reasons and to discourage “tsotsis” from attacking you after the event. Prohibit any handbags or material capable of carrying anything as small as a bone and as large as a bottle of “Tassenberg”.
Tupperware – if you are holding your year-end function during a working day, watch out for those lunch-boxes like Tupperware – there is no lunch in that box at all. It is only good for the variety of salads and meats at the party.
Alcohol – if you don’t want your wine to be carried away, then we suggest you stick to the normal brews from the Tura. Trust me, you do not want a bottle of “Nederburg Pinotage”, or Boschendal Vintage Dry Red ending up in the wrong hands of Katutura folks.
One never knows what to expect. Similarly you do not want imported quality Scotch Whiskey land in my hands, I will end up lying to my not-so-privileged comrades that I imported that whiskey from Edinburgh.
I was also advised that the best way to ensure that people eat the food at the venue and not take any home you must design dishes that we have never seen or ones least favoured.
Seafood does not go down well with my brother Charles Tjatindi, so instead of a pure bred Gobabis bull on the menu, have some sea-like creatures. How about an eel served with garlic sauce, white mussels served on ice with a pint of lemon or crab with Chinese cabbage. Yack but it will save you embarrassment when people fight over steaks.
Please whatever remains far away from using very fancy cutlery – knifes, forks and flute glasses – will disappear the moment our empowered directors and deputy directors brigade from the affluent suburbs see them. They always have the desire to own such expensive cutlery but have no alternative but to wait for the year-end function.
Foam cups and paper plates will do for the time being.
If you are holding your party at a lavish place, please do not ask us to dress up as Pirates of the Caribbean, Spiderman or any funny big screen inspired characters. We, from the township, are hopeless in dressing up – a short with an oversize World AIDS Day T-shirt will do. Also do not ask us to play Cops and Crooks like at Trustco events, we might just bring real guns and by the way, we really don’t like cops that much anyway.
But if you are seriously looking for a kaleidoscope of colours, then I suggest you go for Party colours since it is congress time, you know.
Please do not hand out freebies, they only end up in the hands of the other folks, at a price of course.
If you need more advice, please get back to me next week, as I am on a fact-finding mission of year-end functions. I have been invited to some and will get more information for folks planning year-end functions.
Remember, I am entitled to take freebies and doggy bags, otherwise how will I convince you?
Sorry Ngo.