LADIES! Ladies! Etse, is it true what I am hearing? We have stooped to an all time low with news that we are the sixth worst binge boozers on the African continent. Now, let me break this down for you in kasie terms; it means that not only are we dronklappies, but we actually like the feeling of being gesyp and we drink toe moer toe (excessively).
My goodness, isn’t it shameful for the fairer sex? No wonder it comes as no surprise that a one-year old was found in the company of adults who were allegedly poisoned after drinking umqomboti (home-brewed beer) at a bar somewhere in the north-eastern part of our country.
But I am sure you are just as surprised and suspicious as I am over this damning revelation. Gons, must others always know us better than we know ourselves? I am still to understand how the World Health Organisation arrived at this conclusion, what methodology was used, over what period of time and who their control group was for the research. I know I sound too serious but I am not looking for excuses nor am I being defensive on the issue. We do love our 061s as confirmed in the report and I know that we (Namibian men and women) were also ranked the fifth top country overall in Africa that have a huge thirst for omeya uamururu (alcohol) with a population of only a little over two million.
But let me spell out my suspicions. First of all, this research was probably done during the Christmas break or one of those many holiday in-betweens we have, because I cannot imagine die girlies gulping down bottle after bottle of karate water (Richelieu brandy) or Castello Ginger Fizz, a.k.a Navara on a daily basis. It’s just not like us to do such a thing. Even if they were heavily disappointed, they would probably just swallow Disperin, try to gulp down a glass of Jik, cry out their tears or scratch someone like a wild cat.
Can we also please scrutinise the data collectors or researchers. Were they huka part of the drinking spree or were they just distant observers? I have the suspicion that they were just observers because they probably do not know that some home-brewed drinks like Oshikundu are not considered alcohol. I understand that many home-made drinks when not consumed in large amounts are as nutritious as yoghurt.
But in case the observers were part of the choppo-life spree, then they must have been buying the chwala themselves, because as far as we know the mavutus (girls) do not buy drinks with own moola. It means that the study was compromised, because these observers could also not have been sober enough to remember or count how many units the girls had for the day.
What makes this finding most suspicious is that Namibian males kamma don’t make it on the list. Vakuetu? No pun intended but why do I feel there is some conspiracy to make up for the passion killings and all the other heinous deeds they have been committing?
It’s a known fact that binge drinking is more common in males, but since the fingers are pointing at us, we thank the Breweries for their continued support and the men for always being willing and able to pay for our drinks.
“We are a little disappointed Zambia beat us, but we will gun for them next year. Binge drinking is not easy. It takes a lot of commitment, zest and endurance.” (Stolen from someone’s Facebook update). LOL (laughing out loud).
Sorry Ngo!
• This is a repeat as the writer has sought other pastures. Hopefully by next week the matter of the vacancy would be resolved.