There’s this idea that a lot of men believe, especially in Namibia. They have someone they do not like; that one friend, usually the one they’re not trying to talk to, is always “blocking” them from getting close to a woman. Some even say she’s jealous or that she “wants attention.” But the truth is far from that. Many times, when a woman steps in, it’s not about hate or jealousy. It’s because she is protecting her friend from a situation she knows won’t end well.

As women, we know our friends. We know the type of people they like, and we know the kind of people they should avoid. When a man approaches someone in our group and we step in, it’s not because we want to ruin things. It’s because we already know this is not going to be worth her time. A lot of men think we’re stopping something beautiful from happening, but we’re actually saving our friend from stress and confusion.

Another thing men need to understand is that their reputation follows them. You might think people don’t know about how you behave in relationships, but we hear things. We talk. We see how you treated the last woman you were with. Many of you have never taken a woman on a real date. Your ex-girlfriend says in two years of dating, you never once bought her flowers. You think you’re going to start doing better now – with my friend? Why must she suffer while you “figure yourself out”?

It’s not just about bad habits. A lot of Namibian men have children they don’t take care of. But they still want women to give them a chance. You’re not even raising your own child, but now you want someone else’s daughter to believe you’ll take care of her? That doesn’t make sense. And if we speak up and stop our friend from walking into that situation, suddenly we’re “jealous”? No. We’re just not foolish.

This is not about blocking anyone. It’s about protecting our peace. We have seen too many good women cry over men who brought nothing but trouble. We’ve comforted friends after situations that could have been avoided if someone had spoken up earlier. So now, when we step in, we do it with full confidence. We are not being rude – we are being real.

Some men ask, “But what if she’s my soulmate?” To that, we say – maybe she is. But are you ready to treat her like one? If you haven’t healed, if you don’t respect women, if you still play games and make empty promises, then no, you are not ready. And we’re not going to sit back and watch our friend walk into another painful situation just because you believe in “taking a chance.”

Women are not here to fix broken men. We are not here to raise grown boys. We want healthy relationships with people who are ready to give, not just take. We want care, respect, honesty, and effort – not excuses.

So no, she’s not cockblocking you. She’s protecting someone she loves. And she has every right to do so.

If that bothers you, maybe it’s time to ask yourself why.

*Frieda Mukufa’s lifestyle section in the New Era concentrates on women-related issues and parenting. She also specialises in editing research proposals, proofreading and content creation. 

– etuholefrieda@ gmail.com