By Selma Neshiko
WINDHOEK– “I do not have friends. I do not need friends. I have been too much disappointed by so called friends, so actually there’s no space for friends in my life. Being on my own suits me good.” These are fed up sentiments of Olivia Nel (19) who has no friends.
Sometimes meeting friends can be fazing, especially when you can’t get along with anyone or you’ve experienced a bad friend zone in the past. Making new friends can come easy to some people but to others it might take more work. Friendship is defined as basically when two people spend time together, or writes, tell secrets, fears, and worries, trust , help and forgive each another.
Unhappy that the people who she thought she could call her friends expected too much, Nel believes that some friends are based on meeting their expectations and not valuing the true definition of friendship. “A friend is someone who you can relate to, where there’s no expectation from them, but open hearted and free flowing communication between the two of us. Friends should not be fake or be jealous of each other yet people I called my friends did not understand the meaning of true friendship,” says Nel.
She adds that if she was to make friends and the friendship is based on lies, jealousy and judgement than she would end it or rather not have friends. “You just would not know who to trust nowadays, people you would call your friends are the once who will hurt you the most, and if you cannot think of any nice things to say about your friends then you have the wrong friends.”
It is believed that human beings can clash very easily, which is why it’s hard for some people to maintain many friendships. It’s possible that friendship can exist between two people at one stage of life, but life changes and personal growth may make friendship impossible at another stage.
David Barry (21) agrees that friends can be deceiving but it’s much easier to face the trials of life with a friend by your side than being alone. “Sometimes friends turn their backs on you and there are many people who claim to be friends but are never on the same page. A life without friendship is terrible and lonely,” he thinks.
“If you feel like you are being choked unfairly by friends, you are perhaps in a wrong relationship. You will know when you got a good friend, you just need to look at the actions they take both big and small,” he adds.
Jessica Langfellner, a Psychological Counsellor at Mywellness247 says in modern society it’s hard to know who your friends are. “We all have different backgrounds and you will never know when its true friendship because real friendship comes from both sides.” “For you to find true friendship, you need to engage in different activities to find someone who shares the same interests as you, not only through social networks but face to face in order for you to get to know and understand each other.”
Langfellner adds that there are boundaries to friendship. “When friendship oversteps that’s when the boundaries get into the way. Identifying and respecting our needs, feelings, opinions, and rights, is the only way to clear certain boundaries.”