Tuhafeni Shinana
This a very powerful statement our forefathers, uncles, brothers and all father figures that we have and had in our lives use as a metaphor to encourage us, men, to be strong and more rational than emotional.
This metaphor is misinterpreted in this 21st century because there is this misconception about it that when people are encouraging men not to cry or dramatically show emotions, they are encouraging them to conceal, hide and ignore their emotions or to display strength outside when inside the walls
are trembling because if you cry, society will laugh at you – and worst of all,
devalue you, as a man. In most cases, sadly yes, society indeed devalues men who are so emotional.
Where does the ‘men do not cry’ statement comes from? That statement stems from the masculine belief that problems, difficulties and misery inevitably will be encountered by everyone, men
are encouraged not to be emotionally reactive to them but instead take a rational root to react to them.
That statement does not instruct men to conceal, hide and ignore their emotions, but to acknowledge those emotions which is one first and powerful step, harness and channel them into making a rational decision which will be followed by appropriate actions.
That shortened statement has a meaning of thousands of words, it means when faced with challenges man up, acknowledge that you are sad because of the existence of that challenge, and then channel that sadness into finding the solutions to overcome that challenge instead of fuelling other emotions that can be triggered by sadness if you choose to cry in this case, as society one-sidedly preaches men to get emotional with an expectation for a challenge to disappear in thin air, which is objectively unrealistic.
Another analogy is if you get betrayed in the case let us say by your partner that you have invested a lot in them, you get angry or sad obviously because you are human but how you do about it, it is the most important part. If you choose to be emotional that will ignite a chain of other emotional reactions which lock away rationality.
That is why in most cases men choose to be violent to their partners.
If our men could have chosen what our forefathers have been teaching us
for generations to choose a rational approach which I have stated of acknowledging their emotions and channelling them rather than an
emotional one we could’ve not lost so
many lives in the hands of emotional men, this cannot be coincidence
having an alarming rate of suicides and rape cases in the same era that encourages men to be emotional and turn a blind eye on the rational
approach.