The line between respect and imposing traditional expectations can be unclear.
This is an intriguing question I have been pondering due to various observations.
Recently, a friend informed me their household still values men and their opinions highly.
While I respect and value diverse household dynamics, when something is problematic, it becomes an issue. Before you judge me as a feminist, allow me to share my thoughts.
Let us call the victim Kauna, a 12-year-old grade 7 learner from the north.
She has lived with family members her entire life, and knows only what she has been taught.
During her exams, her family discovered that Kauna was pregnant, and upon further questioning, she revealed that a male family member had ‘put his thing where I pee’.
Due to her traditional upbringing, Kauna’s family did not report the incident or take her to the hospital.
Instead, she faced reprimands for being a village girl who does not heed warnings about staying away from boys. Kauna was subjected to victim-blaming remarks – even though she did not fully understand what was happening to her. Oshiwambo households appreciate many things, but accountability for men is not one of them. Traditional setups have never promoted accountability, and they do not use the right terminologies when addressing specific issues.
When Kauna’s rapist was confronted, he claimed that she had provoked him due to her appearance.
This statement was met with laughter by her guardians, as they found it unbelievable that a 12-year-old would willingly sexually engage in any way with a 35-year-old man. No authorities were involved in the situation, and Kauna was not allowed to defend herself. Instead, her rapist was asked if he would accept responsibility for Kauna’s child. Despite knowing that his actions were wrong, tradition allowed him to get away with it.
The discussion concluded with Kauna being reprimanded for not listening to her rapist’s instructions regarding their child and being warned to behave like a lady to avoid further embarrassment to the family.
She was also instructed to take care of herself, since she was carrying her rapist’s child.
Where does the law intersect with tradition so that both can coexist?
Tradition often hides rape and abuse cases under the guise of protecting the perpetrator’s reputation.
How does this benefit the victims, such as Kauna, who are usually minors with no one to intervene on their behalf?
Where do families draw the line between protecting their children and upholding tradition?
When a 12-year-old seeks prenatal care, what role do healthcare professionals play in this situation, and to what extent are they professionally allowed to assist her?
As long as we continue to uphold certain traditions that men are not perpetrators but have needs that must be met, there will always be more victims like Kauna.
*Frieda Mukufa’s lifestyle section concentrates on women-related issues and parenting bi-weekly in the New Era newspaper. She also specialises in editing research proposals, proofreading as well as content creation. – etuholefrieda@gmail.com